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Any cat lover's out there?

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
Hamlet's Cat's Soliloquy

By Shakespeare's Cat

To go outside, and there perchance to stay,

Or to remain within:

that is the question:

Whether 'tis better for a cat to suffer

The cuffs and buffets of inclement weather

That Nature rains on those who roam abroad,

Or take a nap upon a scrap of carpet

And so by dozing melt the solid hours

That clog the clock's bright gears with sullen time

And stall the dinner bell.

To sit, to stare Outdoors, and by a stare to seem

to state a wish to venture forth without delay,

Then when the portal's opened up, to stand

As if transfixed by doubt. To prowl; to sleep;

To choose not knowing when we may once more

Our readmittance gain: aye, there's the hairball;

For if a paw were shaped to turn a knob,

Or work a lock or slip a window-catch,

And going out and coming in were made

As simple as the breaking of the bowl,

What cat would bear the household's petty plagues,

The cook's well-practiced kicks, the butler's broom,

The infant's careless pokes, the tickled ears,

The trampled tail, and all the daily shocks

That fur is heir to, when, of his own will,

He might his exodus or entrance make

With a mere mitten? Who would spaniels fear?

Or strays trespassing from a neighbor's yard,?

But that the dread of our unheeded cries

And scratches at a barricaded door

No claw can open up, dispels our nerve

And makes us rather bear our humans' faults

Than run away to unguessed miseries?

Thus caution doth make house cats of us all;

And thus the bristling hair of resolution

Is softened up with the pale brush of thought,

And since our choices hinge on weighty things,

We pause upon the threshold of decision
post #2 of 21
Bravo! Author! Author!
post #3 of 21
Wow, that was awesome!

Not your standard internet chain-mail blather
post #4 of 21
Remain within - that is the answer. Tis' a cruel world out there.
post #5 of 21
Thread Starter 
I don't know who wrote that. It was sent to me by a lawyer friend who also sent the following:

One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his shiny limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate the situation.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We HAVE TO eat grass." Shocked, the lawyer said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you!"

"But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree." "Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us, too." The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!" "Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"
post #6 of 21
post #7 of 21
Thread Starter 
Even funnier, I went through New Glarus at the end of June. Very Swiss!
post #8 of 21
Come on Labor Day weekend for the Wilhelm Tell play.
Next time you're in town PM me or something. We could hit the Glarna Stube or the Hotel for a pint of Fat Squirrel (New Glarus Brewery's Nut Brown Ale)
post #9 of 21
Thread Starter 
Originally Posted by SLATZ
Come on Labor Day weekend for the Wilhelm Tell play.
Next time you're in town PM me or something. We could hit the Glarna Stube or the Hotel for a pint of Fat Squirrel (New Glarus Brewery's Nut Brown Ale)
Sounds great. I will. My therapist lives there. She decided I was too strange to actually see in person, so she moved to Wisconsin and we talk on the phone.

I might be through just after labor day. Not sure.
post #10 of 21
Let me know.
post #11 of 21
The soliliquy is from Henry Beard's "Poetry for Cats". He calls it an "anthology of distingushed feline poetry". It also contains "Vet, be not proud" by Donne, "Do not go gently to the vet" by Dylan Thomas, etc, etc. He also wrote "French for Cats".
post #12 of 21

everyone loves a cat!

My wife just got a call from her friend, hubbys is in Iraq and when he is off, there is a household addage .... when Mick is gone, everything happens to Janet!

She heard a car in the drive and noticed a woman get out and put a box on her porch .... no bell ... woman dirves off.

Janet opens box .... clean and fed ... "wierd cat with a pushed in face"?

She adopted a nutty stray mutt (high strung), last time hubby was on deployment. Camped on her door.

I told her to drive around till she located a "maroon" car that fit the description. A lazy moron wouldn't drive too far, probably a local. "But if I found her, that would mean trouble!"

No kiddin!
post #13 of 21
...depends on how they are prepared. Soo many recipes call for them to over cook them.
post #14 of 21

Phil ... we think alike

When she called with the old .... "What should I do?"

I told her (cat, the other white meat), was best with a dry white wine.

When she said it looked Himalayan, ..... Nah! Better with saki or a plum wine!

Anyhoo ... wifey went down to help but when they tried to get the cat into a carrier, it scratched and bolted into the woods.
post #15 of 21
post #16 of 21


Tried one of those last night when I couldn't find a shoe shine brush, worked fine and the cat didn't mind too much.

Didn't work very well on the car polisher though, the duct tape does not adhere well to fur.
post #17 of 21
Thread Starter 
Does the spca know about this forum?

Thanks Evansilver. I'll get the book
post #18 of 21

relax weems

wife an I are owned by three fat and (unfortunately) healthy cats
post #19 of 21
I fed my cat once..... to the dog.
post #20 of 21
Originally Posted by Yuki
relax weems
wife an I are owned by three fat and (unfortunately) healthy cats
Yes weems, rest easy. I never again thought twice about the girl friend I sent packing last year,,, but I missed her cat!
post #21 of 21
Sort of like: "My wife ran off with my best friend and my dog. Boy do I miss Old Rover"

At our house Furball the Wonderkitty has survived for many years with two St Bernards and a Siberian Husky. Jasper the attack cat was not so lucky when the Husky first showed up. He was used to being in charge and Nikki wasn't having any of it.
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