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Joke from Ireland

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
This is one of my favourite jokes - an Irish joke in the sense that it comes from Ireland:

The Bread and Butter Joke

In Ireland there is a superstition that if your bread and butter falls on the floor butter-side-up, you’ll be rich; butter-side-down you’ll be poor.

One day Seamus was surreptitiously edging his bread and butter off the table with his elbow, .... and for the first time it landed butter side up!
He went rushing off to the local priest - “Father, father, my bread and butter fell on the floor butter-side-up: am I going to be rich?”
Well, this was a poor country area where was little distinction made between superstition and religion. The priest thought: if I tell him “No” he may get confused and blame the church for dashing his hopes, but if I say “Yes” and he doesn’t become rich he may lose his faith.
So he said “This is a difficult one Seamus, I’m seeing the bishop tomorrow so we’ll discuss your situation. Come to me in the evening and I’ll tell you what we decided.”
So next day Seamus rushes up to the priest again. “Father, father, tell me, am I going to be rich?”
“Well” says the priest “Brace yourself Seamus, I’ve talked to the bishop and we’ve decided what probably happened was, you buttered your bread....... on the wrong side”.
post #2 of 17
Stereotyping ? Patronising ? Anticlerical ?

Seamus is usually spelt with an 'e' instead of an 'h' in Ireland.

Got any Muslim gags ?
post #3 of 17
Thread Starter 
Spelling I should have remembered that, I've read it often enough. Thought it didn't look right, I should have looked it up.
The joke I was told by an Irish poet and I retold it to an Irish artist who has told it to all his friends. (The latter tells me it is one of an expanding set of jokes in Ireland which has a name I forget).

Patronising? Well, it has a stupid character and a really clever character. Take your pick.
It is the clever character that makes it unusual among jokes in general.
Incidentally the superstition is a real one, not a joke one.
Anti-clerical? Hm. Not to me. I can see the friend who told it might like that, he is a very conservative Catholic (we argue about it). He knew Samuel Beckett quite well: strange mix.
(I can't remember hearing any modern anti-clerical jokes, though there are loads from earlier centuries. There wouldn't be much point in England where the chuches are marginalised and very few attend them but I can see there would be many in Ireland). I must ask my friends if they know any.

I don't remember any Muslims telling me any jokes that were specifically Muslim, though I've read a semi-satirical novel.
Are there any jokes about you Latchigo?
post #4 of 17
Well, snoball, if you are David Johnston off the website, you do very nice stuff. Thanks for the link. If you aren't David Johnston, and he's the artist you told the joke to, the joke clearly didn't unstring him artistically.

I take it the works are principally installations?
post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 
Thanks, sno'more, yes that's me. Yes, they are installations.
post #6 of 17

latchigo .. a warning ..

Even a "Fennian dog" like me thought is was funny .... so you'll be leavin the Brit alone or I'll be gifting you with a capping!

An Imam, a Priest, a Rebbi and a Deacon are in a boat ...... will we ever be able to make a joke of this and laugh?
post #7 of 17
This joke is known to me as an old Jewish Joke. Guy goes to the Rabbi and he's told he's a Schlemiel. Finally it falls butter side up, goes to the Rabbi, "I'm no longer a Schlemiel" "Acchhh, you'r still a Schlemiel, you're just buttering it on the wrong side."

Funny that the same joke shows up in two totally different cultures like that.
post #8 of 17
Thread Starter 
Perhaps the Irish adapted it. Or vice-versa.
Loads of the insulting "stupid" type English Irish jokes have their versions in most other European countries (eg the French about the Belgians, the Hungarians about the Czechs, or even the Russians about their own police:
eg. I've heard
Two Irish/Belgians/Russian Policemen in a car - one says to the other "would you go and see if my indicator is working"
"OK............................................... ....... No...yes, no yes,no...

I'm sure everyone has heard it about someone.

Actually I tend to half agree with Lloyd George: "The problems of the English with the Irish are those associated with a slow-witted nation ruling over a quick-witted nation" (and thats not just because I'm a coward and feel guilty about our history, its a good quote to tell stupid people who overdo the "Irish jokes").

Actually the very first Northern Irish joke I heard, over 40 years ago, just before the troubles (and now a classic):
Two Irishmen in a train. One says "Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
The other says "I'm Jewish".
"Yes, but are you a Catholic Jew or a Protestant Jew?"
post #9 of 17

everything had a price!

In those times the price for being Irish and quick of wit was not attractive.

It was illegal to educate an Irishman and the price was a "piking", not quite the kind of parade through town one aspired to.

Slow of wit ... or defferential?

"The Calcutta kowtow" .... ?
post #10 of 17
Thread Starter 
Aaaaaargh! What must you think of me, Yucki, I accidentally transposed the quick and the slow! Please re-read.
I thought you would know that one - but perhaps it's more famous in the Republic.
post #11 of 17

hmmmmmmmmmm ?

Perhaps two Freudian slips in a row?

and it's Yuki .... not Yucki (gooey, disgusting or slimey) and watch it buddy, I resemble that!
post #12 of 17
Thread Starter 
Does that make 3 Freudian slips!

Well, perhaps I'll risk a Jewish joke (might work better spoken than in print, but let's have a go):

Two jews, getting on in life, who had known each other long before, meet in the street.
“Jacob, how good to see you. How is life treating you?”
“Oh, I have nothing much to complain about: I have my health and I have a successful business and a nice house in Finchley - with swimming pool! - and a happy marriage to a lovely woman, and three intelligent children: two girls and a boy.
Only one thing troubles me: my son has become a Christian”.

“Oi Veh, what a coincidence” says the other. “I too have my health and a good business - import export - and a house in Finchley - you must come visit and meet my wife and two children. But my son, he too has become a Christian”.

They talk for a while about their problem and finally decide to go next day to the old Rabbi who used to advise them when they were younger.

The next day they greet the Rabbi and and he asks how things are going for them.

“ Ah well” says David “We don’t have much to complain about, we both have our health and successful businesses, and happy marriages to good women, and we both have fine, healthy children. But both of us, our sons have become Christians."

“Oi Veh, what a coincidence” says the Rabbi. “I have many good people here coming to the synagogue and I am writing a little, and my wife is a wonderful woman. But my son, too, has become a Christian”.

He talks to them for a while and then he says “Well, my children, we must pray to God about this problem of ours.”
So they bow their heads and the Rabbi says. “Lord, we don’t have much to complain about, we all have our health and worldly success and happy marriages and the blessing of children. But all of us, our sons have become Christians”.

And a Great Voice says: “Oi Veh, what a coincidence ....."
post #13 of 17
Reminds me of the one where the priest and the rabbi are talking.
The rabbi is asking what future there is in the priesthood.
Priest: You can become a Bishop.
Rabbi: What's so great about that?
Priest: A good Bishop becomes an Archbishop.
Rabbi: What's so great about that?
Priest: An Archbisop can become a Cardinal and elect the Pope.
Rabbi: I'm still not impressed.
Priest: One of the Cardinals becomes the Pope.
Rabbi: Big deal.
Priest (very frustated): What do you expect, to become Jesus Christ himself?

Rabbi: Why not? One of our boys made it.
post #14 of 17
How do you make a German bark like a dog?

Tell him there's FREE BEER.

He will say "Wo!? Wo!? Wo!?"
post #15 of 17
Originally Posted by Yuki
An Imam, a Priest, a Rebbi and a Deacon are in a boat ...... will we ever be able to make a joke of this and laugh?
OKthis is better if you can see the gestures, but still pretty cute:

An Imam, a Priest, a Rebbi and a Deacon went to the old swimming hole together. While they were in the water, someone stole their clothes. With no choice they started down the old road - stark naked - to sneak back to town. They were startled by a van full of women from the Ladies Club and the Imam, Priest and Deacon all cluched their privates to cover themselves, while the Rabbi put his hands in front of his face. After the van passed, the others turned to him and said "what were you thinking, why didn't you cover yourself??!!" and the Rabbi replied, "well I don't know about you fellows, but my congregations knows ME by my FACE!"
post #16 of 17
Good one
post #17 of 17
An Imam, a Priest, a Rebbi and a Deacon are in a boat ...... will we ever be able to make a joke of this and laugh?
An Imam, a Priest, a Rabbi and a Deacon are in a boat fishing and talking about who's faith is the strongest. The priest says "I forgot my favorite bait.", stands up, steps out of the boat and walks across the pond to get his bait on the shore. Next, the deacon says "I forgot my sun-block.", stands up, steps out of the boat and walks across the pond to the shore. The rabbi then says "I forgot my hat", stands up, steps out of the boat and walks across the pond to the shore. After seeing this the Imam says "Allah is great", steps out of the boat and sinks into the water. The rabbi turns to the priest and deacon and says "Do you think we should tell him about the rocks."
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