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# Redneck IQ Test

I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:

1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift?

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer?

I betcha thought that test was gonna be an easy one, didn't you? It's okay if you didn't do all that well. Just goes to show you... There's a hole heap of things that big city book learning don't prepare you for in this life.

As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE" here's some Southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with 'em.
#5) Snuck that California ringer in, did you?
Not a bad idea on the pizza thang. We gots no cabs in this here town!
Quote:
 Originally Posted by Bonni Not a bad idea on the pizza thang. We gots no cabs in this here town!
Us red necks ain't as dumb as ya all think
O.K. I'll give it a try.

1. Its the size of Aunt Pearl's middle finger on her left,or tis that right, hand. She's not really my Aunt but everyone calls her that. You know Pearl, she's my mother's cousin's boyfriend's girlfriend. She's the first cousin three times removed from Miss. Jones down the street.

2. Need some clarification. Is that during or after flood season? And is the front yard next to or in the creek? You know that little mouse creek turns into big rat river every spring.

3. 4 but you got to make sure all that Prestone is removed. It sort of adds a weird twang to the taste.

4. Now that sorta depends. Are they the regular cans or them Super-Buds? Of course this could be one of them trick questions. What if they bring in a keg? Joe's got some college kids working with him this summer. And of course when you get the stuff from question 3 added in it screws up the calculations.

5. Another one of them trick questions. Everybody know that ozone is that nice spray you use to hide the smell of those "funny" cigarettes.

6. None of them. They just push through that nice rotted wood when it hits them.

7. Yup and all the grandkids too.

8. What's a muffler? Ain't it one of those things fancy women wrap around their necks?

9. None, real miners roll their own.

10. Already happened, you know my kid sister Charlene?

Did I pass?

(Please remember I'm just a poor kid from the backwoods, you got to explain things to me.)

### Corrections.

1. 6". Not coincidentally, this is the smallest persimmon branch to survive the last hurricane.

2. (A) The floor rusted out before the engine quit.

3. For 100proof, all you need is 1, two at most if the summer's really hot. 4 is for making jet fuel. Problem is, you also need at least 10 burners and 3 cousins to help work those 2-300gallons of mash.

7. This needs a bit of essay work. T-Square forgets to ask how many male and female children there are, to compute the eventual number of grandkids.
T-Square:

Got a legal question regarding the law in any town north of "Berlin" .....

If a man & woman get divorced .... are they still brother and sister?
Legal Question:

If a man is born in Tennessee and raised in Kentucky and a woman born an Alabama and raised in Mississippee and they get married in Arkansas but then get divorced in Georgia, are they still considered cousins in South Carolina?
Good un'
1. Living or dead persimmon? Living it's 0.50 inch. Dead it's 0.75 inch.

2. (C), despite its roadway prowess the Pontiac GTO of the mid-60s was rust-prone even in desert climates.

4. How many they got at Bubba's Feed Stop?

5. Ever' foo' 'round these parts knows that the refrigerant works as well at cooling the Earth as it does at cooling your car.

6. Where are we, piedmont or coastal? Piedmont it's 5, coastal it's 2.

7. As long as they don't get too crazy with the Super Theatre Wide Screen TVs, yeah.

9. 1/2 carton per worker on shift. 1 carton per off-shift worker. note the difference in smoking rate while "working".

10. Two weeks is the standard time. Ask Conway Twitty.
Quote:
 Originally Posted by BillA I am sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South. I challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
BillA....Isn't you in NJ ? YOU flunk you own redneck test

Ah---EEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Signed.....UL (aka Damn Yankee here !)
Quote:
 Originally Posted by Uncle Louie BillA....Isn't you in NJ ? YOU flunk you own redneck test Ah---EEEEEEEEEEEEEE Signed.....UL (aka Damn Yankee here !)
Dear Unka Louie
I could be from SOUTH Jersey. (I'm not)
And I never said I was smart. (I might be)
But I could be a dumb Redneck from NJ (I might not be)
Sincerely
BillA

### Redneck cup holder

How many kids are living in that school bus, BillA? If another bus parks nearby, is that a rival school? I particularly like the pick up on jackstands in front of the bus.
Quote:
 How many kids are living in that school bus, BillA?
Hold on while go next door and ask.

Quote:
 If another bus parks nearby, is that a rival school?
No, just means enrollment is going up.

Quote:
 I particularly like the pick up on jackstands in front of the bus.
I thought that was a nice touch.

BTW, is anyone offended by the pictures?
Quote:
 Originally Posted by BillA BTW, is anyone offended by the pictures?
Nope - looks just like home here in Wes' Virginny!
Quote:
 Originally Posted by BillA
Where Is you from BillA..........you shore ain't no "hill William"......You ain't never scene a houseboat befour ?

Ah-EEEEEEEEEEEEEE
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum.

ans. 1/2 inch

2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
(B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.

ans. 65 Ford Fairlane

3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?

ans. 2 from V8's

4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?

Ans. 300

5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone
layer?

Ans. Impossible. Old refrigerators are discarded over the embankments because they are to expensive to dispose of properly. No hillbilly will round them all up again.

6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed?

Ans. 4

7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?

Ans. Absolutely

8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?

Ans. Unlikely

9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift?

Ans. 10

10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer?

Ans. 2

### das boot!

.
You New Englander types should appreciate the true beauty of that fine craft!

What ever happened to the "Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do, or do without." ?

.
Unka Louie
Quote:
 Where Is you from BillA
Down the road a piece from the world famous ski area and recreation complex known around these here parts as Craigmeur.

www.redneckandsingle

Ah-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Quote:
 Originally Posted by Uncle Louie Ya'all head youselves over hear.........www.redneckandsingle Ah-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
You have to add the "dot com" to the address for it to work

Not that I was looking or anything.....

Louie, I'm starting to worry about you!
Quote:
 Originally Posted by Uncle Louie Ya'all head youselves over hear.........www.redneckandsingle Ah-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
: : :

That there is some scary stuff man!!!!!!!!!

www.redneckandsingle.com
I checked using I'm a Redneck Man looking for a Redneck Woman and got 7 hits for New Hampshire.

Then I tried I'm a Redneck Man looking for a Redneck Man and got 0 hits. Wonder why?
T-Square...........maybe if you had posted a picture :
It's Billy BobA ya'll.
Good one Mr. Hat.
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