or Connect
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Men Strike Back

post #1 of 65
Thread Starter 
Men strike back! ! ! ! ! ! !
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick
up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing
machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that
allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that
diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
> >>>>------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
>Then God created Man and rested.
>Then God created Woman.
>Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh
and to the select few women who can handle the truth!
post #2 of 65
how many men does it take to change a light bulb?
hell let her cook in the dark
post #3 of 65
Sexism, the last retort of the undersized.
post #4 of 65
nolo, I've never noticed you being sexist!
post #5 of 65

I'll have you know that it isn't very long but its as big around as a pencil.

post #6 of 65
post #7 of 65
Originally Posted by nolo
Sexism, the last retort of the undersized.
I've been called a lot of things....but never this.
post #8 of 65
Just having fun with you fellas because I know size is a touchy subject. I appreciate the candor of those who have come forward to protest the ruling.
post #9 of 65

Don't worry, its no big thing.

post #10 of 65
Originally Posted by ydnar

I'll have you know that it isn't very long but its as big around as a pencil.

Obviously a Red Sox fan.
post #11 of 65
Originally Posted by Shen
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
The Corollary to this one is:

B*tching is an evolutionary adaptation.
Women are not permitted to burp, scratch, swear, grunt or fart......
Therefore, we MUST b*tch, or we would explode.
post #12 of 65
How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be open when she brings it to you.
post #13 of 65
Q: What do you say to a woman who has two black eyes?
A: Nothing; you already told her twice! :
post #14 of 65
Originally Posted by carvemeister
Q: What do you say to a woman who has two black eyes?
A: Nothing; you already told her twice! :
Hate to be a killjoy, but I've seen that one before, and it isn't funny
post #15 of 65
I certainly didn't expect many women to find it very funny either. I'm sure you don't like some of the others as well. No problem. Just trying to maintain the steady flow of tasteless humor, which sometimes does have its place.
I however, do like an ocassional sick joke. And you're right, it's sick. But now, YOU'VE RUINED IT FOR EVERYBODY! So I hope you're happy! :
post #16 of 65

I enjoy a "sick" joke as much as the next person - and thought many of the above were hysterical.

But a "joke" condoning domestic violence against women is as "funny" to me as a "joke" about a Klan Lynching would be to members of the NAACP.

All too REAL to be funny.
post #17 of 65
A predictable response DrFrau. I respect your right to find it not funny, however it certainly does not "condone" anything. Strangely enough, when some jackass first told that stupid joke to me I did not perceive it as a thumbs up to go home and punch my lovely wife. I actually despise domestic violence, and wouldn't associate with anybody who engages in such activity, and would certainly never condone it.

If you are a victim of domestic violence, then I apologize for offending you. If you're not, then I don't think it's necessary to apologize. Not all women are victims, as a matter of fact the vast majority are not. So it's not quite the same as the Klan scenario - which, even as a "cracker," I would probably never find remotely funny.
I do have some compassion, really, I promise.

If removing the offending "joke" would make you feel better, I shall apologize to you, and do so asap. :

And BTW - unless you are a Domestic Violence Counselor, I can assure you that I've consoled, advised, and assisted more victims of domestic violence in the past 23 years than any Barking Bear in town. I have sympathy for "most" of them (those who are real victims, and don't abuse the system). But I know which hat I need to wear, and when I need to wear it. Looks like I'll have to put on my helmet for this one. :
post #18 of 65
As a former "victim" : of domestic violence, I thought it was pretty funny, carvemeister.

The best jokes ARE grounded in reality. Ask George Carlin, Robin Williams, et al.

Some folk are just a little too touchy and have to ruin it for everyone with their PC shit.
post #19 of 65
One of the best ways to highlight a problem is to coat it with humor in a non-P.C. way. It helps stir the conscience of people, hopefully make them think, and may even motivate them to action. If it offends, tough toenails.

One of the best antidrug humor sketches I've ever hear is Richard Pryor talking about the time he burned himself up. Absoultely sidesplitting, scary, thought provoking, and powerful. Its the type of sketch that would not survive in a P.C. environment. Very little humor will.

The best antiwar flicks are those that aren't preachy but just tell the story. Humor is like that. Non preachy, mostly fun, and draws attention to the point. To do that it tends to be very non-P.C.

I knew a great woman with multiple sclerosis. She toyed with the idea of a vanity license plate that read:
She liked it from both viewpoints, medical and gender. She was not sure if one like that would make it through the system because some bureocrat somewhere would think it might possibly offend.
post #20 of 65
I suppose I could be horrified by that, but I like it too, and I have MS! Nothing wrong with that....it sure is a lot healthier than growling around bitching about it. I'd be proud to have that on my car, too.

There's humor in even the most serious subjects. Everyone dies and that can be sad, yet sometimes, death jokes are funny.

We tend to take life a little too seriously at times.
post #21 of 65
I like to be first with the jokes that denigrate people who are both vertically challenged and no bigger around than a pencil. It beats having to hear someone state the obvious as if informing me of something I don't know.
post #22 of 65
But you haven't been SEXIST.
post #23 of 65
I like jokes. I like ones that poke FUN at people, but NOT ones that are mean-spirited, or intended to provoke harm. I have seen that particular "black eyes" joke elsewhere on the 'net - I didn't like it then, and I don't like it now. I said as much and I stated my reasons why. I didn't say that you had to LIKE the fact that I didn't find that joke funny. I have as much right to state my opinions here as you do to make jokes in poor taste.

By all means PLEASE leave it posted, Lord knows we wouldn't want anyone to feel martyred in the life and death battle against the PC police. :

It's an entirely different thing for Richard Pryor to do a sketch about his drug flaming episode, because he is making fun of HIMSELF. It would also be entirely different for Elaine Boosler to make jokes about a boyfriend who bashed her around - because SHE would be the one making the jokes.

But if you just don't get it - then I am wasting my breath. I stated my opinion. You don't have to like it. But if you expect me to retract the objection, you can bite me. (And I mean that in the 'funniest' way possible):
post #24 of 65
Jeez, you don't have to get belligerent about it.
You're wasting your breath AND the soapbox is bending.

(Edited to correct spelling of "belligerent", but dang, it's in stone in DrFrau's post!: )
post #25 of 65
Originally Posted by Bonni
Jeez, you don't have to get belligerant about it.
You're wasting your breath AND the soapbox is bending.
Yes, that was a bit over-the-top, wasn't it? But sheesh SOMEone has to drag that damn thing around.
I now bestow my full permission for jokes about the PMS Fairy! Someone really needs to take a flyswatter to that annoying b*tch
post #26 of 65
Consider yourbadself swatted.:
post #27 of 65

challenge time

Can anyone come up with a joke that doesn't degrade or someone or something?

And all this crap about size and the little blue pill is getting me pisse... better quit now huh?
post #28 of 65
- A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

- Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
post #29 of 65
Comprex: Joke A uses the term "stewardess", which is degrading to flight attendants, some of whom are male.

Joke B has swearing in it and is not suitable for children.

Try again.
post #30 of 65
My pet racoon thought it was sick ... too.

And it involves dead yucky stuff, hardly fit for the dinner table.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Humour and Fun Stuff