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Security Forces On-Mountain - An Idea For The Times

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
The shocking news coming out of ski resorts seemingly every week this year means only one thing:
Private security forces are needed on the slopes.
This would cut down on the swearing, partial nudity, adult situations, fancy skiing, "safety meetings", anti-social clothing and attitudes, and more.

If the resort owners would take fingerprints or a retina scan when people bought tickets this would not only help identify transgressors, but possibly help Homeland Security track down possible terrorists. The software can adapt to existing security cam systems, so the expense is minimal - and isn't it time the ski community gave back to the country. Foreigners could have a special fee added to their tickets, to offset the cost of the software.

I used to applaud the resorts who have resisted pressure from Homeland Security to ban goggles (because they interfere with biopmetric face-mapping done by surveillance cameras) but maybe if the resorts got more security-minded skiing would be a better experience for everyone.
post #2 of 16
Apparently Silver Star agrees with you. I've seen uniformed (ski outfits with RCMP on the back and on the pants) Mounties patroling the slopes as well as the base area there.
post #3 of 16

Hell's Angels

Can't we use them for security? Oh, sorry, the Stones already tried that....
post #4 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by pheft
Apparently Silver Star agrees with you. I've seen uniformed (ski outfits with RCMP on the back and on the pants) Mounties patroling the slopes as well as the base area there.
Fascist Canucks.
*scratches Silver Star off 'Places To Have Fun' list*
post #5 of 16
"This would cut down on the swearing, partial nudity, adult situations, fancy skiing, "safety meetings", anti-social clothing and attitudes, and more."

I'm all for it. Dress security up like English Bobbies, give them billyclubs instead of poles, and require them to ski on Monoskies. Train them to ski in groups of four, one directly behind the other, when in high speed chase. Arm security at the base with banana cream pies and silly string.
post #6 of 16
I would change one thing though, security will be required to encourage partial nudity.
post #7 of 16
Enforce safety meetings! Too many are skipping this important part of the skiing experience. If everyone went to safety meetings, they would be ok with the nudity, fancy skiing, weird clothes, etc. They would swear less, too!
post #8 of 16
Ear tags and radio tracking collars also work well. And besides, skiers wear balaclavas, and you know from COPS that the only people who wear balaclavas are thieves and bank robbers. Maybe they should just park a paddy wagon at the bottom of the slopes and ship everyone off to camp x-ray. It is foolproof, and in the unlikely event they catch anyone who can prove their innocence then they might be released in a few years. Also learn from the Israelis, 10 metre high concrete walls would do a good job of making sure nobody goes backcountry.
post #9 of 16
ln addition to the above list of transgressions, these security people could enforce the "no men over 40 to wear stretchy pants" rule.
post #10 of 16
as long as their first priority is to revoke lift privileges from those who use cell phones and 2-way radios in public areas of the ski hill,

and their second priority is to ensure that no hypocrites receive lift privileges,

then I am all for it.
post #11 of 16
Invoke double secret probation.
post #12 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by okolepuka
I would change one thing though, security will be required to encourage partial nudity.
No...I think it needs some refinement. Nobody wants to see ME partially nude. Some kind of age or HWP limit might be appropriate. We need to send it to committee.
post #13 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by okolepuka
"This would cut down on the swearing, partial nudity, adult situations, fancy skiing, "safety meetings", anti-social clothing and attitudes, and more."

I'm all for it. Dress security up like English Bobbies, give them billyclubs instead of poles, and require them to ski on Monoskies. Train them to ski in groups of four, one directly behind the other, when in high speed chase. Arm security at the base with banana cream pies and silly string.
Benny Hill theme music must accompany them everywhere.
post #14 of 16
"Yakkity Sax" by Boots Randolph
post #15 of 16
I've heard tell that a resort in Colorado, has a police patrol unit on one of the mtns. Any truth to this?
post #16 of 16
I believe most of the stuff that is being referred to here is all coming directly from the Ministry of Silly Walks or possibly from the ultra secret organization called the "Knights Who Say Nee"

Ty
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