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Guns and the Slopes - Page 2

post #31 of 37

Here's the SNL transcript...

The Claudine Longet Invitational

Tom Tryman.....Chevy Chase
Jessica Antlerdance.....Jane Curtin

Tom Tryman: Good afternoon, this is Tom Tryman!

Jessica Antlerdance: And this is Jessica Antlerdance!

Tom Tryman: And, of course, we're here in Vale, Colorado, to cover the Claudine Longet Invitational! This is, of course, a men's freestyle skiing competition!

Jessica Antlerdance: So, without further ado, let's go to the slopes. Well, we certainly have a beautiful day for it, Tom.

Tom Tryman: Right you are, Jessica. And, of course, first out will be Helmut Kindle. Helmut is a 24-year-old Frenchman - I'm sorry, he's a West German. And this is his second run of the day, I believe. He had an initial time of 41.8. Looking very good here.

Jessica Antlerdance: That's right, Tom. But Helmut injured his ankle last month, and that's bound to affect his performance here today.

Tom Tryman: He caught an edge there, but he seems to be okay, he's in good shape.. actually, I think he's a little..

[ a shot rings out, as Helmut falls into the snow ]

Tom Tryman: Uh-oh! He seems to have been accidentally shot by Claudine Longet! Yes.. and I'm afraid Helmut Kindle is out of this race!

Jessica Antlerdance: Yes, it's a shame, but that's all part of the exciting world of professional skiing, Tom.

Tom Tryman: Well, he definitely seems out of it, Jessica, and I couldn't agree more. Now, here comes the man to beat - we're going to be seeing him in a second. Of course, Jean-Paul Baptiste. A 28-year-old civil engineer from Verne, Switzerland. And he's strong, he's agile, he's got a great deal of power, Jessica.

Jessica Antlerdance: He'll need all the power he's got on those mobiles, Tom.

Tom Tryman: Look at the way his legs absorb those shocks, as he manuevers his way down this bumpy terrain. There's a very nice move there, a lot of spring, he's really playing this hill.

Jessica Antlerdance: It's easy to see why he won a Bronze Medal in Innsbrook. He's a strong skiier, and a fierce competitor.

Tom Tryman: Mmm-hmm! Well, I would have to say, it's a very fast time up to this point. Uh.. he's doing very well - and there's a very nice move - uh.. I would say, at this halfway point, he's gonig to take third, or maybe even a second-place..

[ a shot rings out, as Jean-Paul falls into the snow ]

Tom Tryman: Uh-oh! Uh-oh! It looks to me like he's been accidentally shot by Claudine Longet!

[ Jean-Paul regains balance on his skis ]

Jessica Antlerdance: Just grazed, I think, Tom..

[ second shot rings, as Jean-Paul falls back into the show ]

Jessica Antlerdance: Oh, no! That one got him, he's down! No, he's down this time.. no, no! No, he's getting up!

[ Jean-Paul continues to ski downhill, albeit a little awkwardly ]

Jessica Antlerdance: Always the mark of a fine athlete is the ability to recover in diffivcult situations.

Tom Tryman: I can't believe he's going for the finish line.. and -

[ third shot rings out, Jean-Paul is down for good ]

Tom Tryman: Oh, no! Again.. again, he's been accidentally shot by Claudine Longet, and, this time, I think he's down to stay, Jessica.

Jessica Antlerdance: We're running a little late, Tom, so let's just cut to a few highlights of this event.

Tom Tryman: Alright, let's do that.

[ show skiier falling into the snow ]

Tom Tryman: Uh.. here, she mistakenly dropped her gun and it went off.

[ show skiier falling into the snow ]

Jessica Antlerdance: Uh.. here, she was just showing the gun to a friend.

[ show skiier falling into the snow ]

Tom Tryman: Yeah.. I think she was just cleaning her gun here, wasn't she?

[ show skiier falling into the snow ]

Tom Tryman: And, once again, of course, showing the un to a friend.

[ show skiier falling into the snow ]

Tom Tryman: Here, I think she just put the gun down in the snow, and it went off by mistake.

Jessica Antlerdance: That looked almost like skeet shooting!

[ Tom and Jessica laugh playfully ]

Tom Tryman: You must mean ski shooting!

[ Tom and Jessica laugh more sardonically ]

Tom Tryman: Oh, well. This has been Tom Tryman.

Jessica Antlerdance: And Jessica Antlerdance.

Tom Tryman: Here in Vale, Colorado, at the Claudine Longet Invitiational.

Jessica Antlerdance: Ski shooting, that's very funny! [ laughs ]

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts
post #32 of 37
Interesting post Bob---and it brings back memories.

It was on my very first trip west to Colorado and myself and Moe Dixon (Copper mtn) were part way up the foothills just outside Denver looking at the "Clam House" where (I think) part of Woody Allen's movie "Sleeper" was filmed.

The Sabich story broke as we were passing the house on the way to ski the rockies for the first time.....
post #33 of 37
Bob: ...... dats a good un' !
post #34 of 37
Before snowboarders changed snow fashion, concealing a 9 left little room for a O.E. 24. Now, I can pack a Mac 10 with a spare clip AND a 40 with ease. Strap up, boyz!
post #35 of 37
and you guys all say snowboarders have'nt contributed...
post #36 of 37
For extra extra credit who is Claudine Longet married to now?

Answer: the lawyer that got her off.

Spider was one of those cool guys that would make Bode look like a saint. The other racers would draw straws and the looser had to keep Spider out all night drinking. It never worked. Spider was the last to bed and the first one on the mountain the next morning doing practice runs. Or so the story goes. In my liftie days, I got to load Spider and Billy Kid on the chair lift for a dual slalom event. Spider won of course.
post #37 of 37
Originally Posted by sjjohnston
The absence of Alpine races which include gunfire is clearly an oversight.
Hear, hear! I wholeheartedly agree. I think the key is to use blackpowder rifles. Reloading during the middle of a race would be tricky. Establishing business leagues and amateur races would be important too. So would promotional and cross-marketing deals between Winchester and Atomic.
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