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Rules for dealing with women

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works.

Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies:-
Make the woman happy.

Do something she likes, and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed +1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets -1
You leave the toilet seat up -5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex -1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom -2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings +5
in the snow +8
but return with beer -5
and no liners -25
You check out a suspicious noise at night 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something +5
You pummel it with a six iron +10
It's her cat -40

AT THE PARTY

You stay by her side the entire party 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a College drinking buddy -2
Named Tiffany -4
Tiffany is a lap dancer -10
With breast implants -18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday 0
You buy a card and flowers 0
You take her out to dinner 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar +1
And it's all-you-can-eat night -3
and your face is painted the colours of your favourite team -10



A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal 0
The pal is happily married +1
The pal is single -7
He drives a Ferrari -10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED) -15



A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie +2
You take her to a movie she likes +4
You take her to a movie you hate +6
You take her to a movie you like -2
It's called Death Cop 3 -3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans -9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans -15



YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable pot belly -15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of it +10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." -800



THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?" You hesitate in responding. -10
You reply, "Where?" -35
You reply, "No, I think it's your ass" -100
Any other response -20



COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned expression 0
You listen, for over 30minutes +5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience +50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying "well, what do you think I should do" -50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV +100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep -200
post #2 of 10
And people wonder why I don't date American women anymore. Go foreign!
post #3 of 10
jlb, it's the same the world over!
post #4 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by BillA
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts -30
For the benefit of SCSA (we know you're watching), how many minus points is it just for the Hawaiian shirt?
post #5 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by DangerousBrian
For the benefit of SCSA (we know you're watching), how many minus points is it just for the Hawaiian shirt?
-97
post #6 of 10
You do realize, however, that once you have the rules figured out they change. Oh, and even if they haven't they are subject to change at any time without notification.
post #7 of 10
Thread Starter 
Some of us know that, some of us still haven't figured it out, all of us have learned or will learn it the hard way.
post #8 of 10
You take a woman skiing:

You drive to the mountain in your car, not hers: +1
You carry her skis: 0
You ski with her on easy greens all morning while the powder gets tracked up: +1
You stop for a two hour lunch at a fancy on-mountain restaurant when you know the two powerbars in your pocket could hold you and any one other real skier until dinner: +2
When she quits at 2:00, you go out for just one run on a harder trail: -1
You come back at 4:30 after numerous runs down double blacks: -5
in a tobaggon: -10
She has to drive to the hospital: -20
in your car and she can't drive stick shift: -30
post #9 of 10
Hmmm, some minor edits needed here:


You drive to the mountain in your car, not hers: +1
You carry her skis: 0
You ski with her on easy greens all morning while the powder gets tracked up: -50
You stop for a two hour lunch at a fancy on-mountain restaurant when you know the two powerbars in your pocket could hold you and any one other real skier until dinner: -75
You whine that you want to quit at 2:00, becuase your legs and knees hurt: -10
You agree to stay out until 4:30 and return to the lodge after numerous runs down double blacks, because you were trying to impress you: +10
in a tobaggon: -10
post #10 of 10
She drives you to the mountain in her car 0

You ski with her in a white-out and enjoy every minute +2

You coach her skiing all the while cruising easy greens with her +2

You make fun of her driving while she is driving you home from the mountain in her car in a blinding snowstorm in the dark. -300

Then you fall asleep -600
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