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She gets clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-god-it's-coming-towards-us

When her boyfriend get on top of her his ears pop

She’s so fat he turn the light off to have sex with her, not just because she’s ugly but also stops him burning his ass on the light bulb

People are attracted to her due to gravity

Her bowl of cornflakes came with a lifeguard

It took five UFOs to abduct her

She has to wear a sock on each toe

The police showed her a picture of her feet and she could not identify them

She's got shock absorbers on her toilet seat

When she wears corduroy pants the ridges flatten out

All her clothes have to be custom made by a contractor

She fell off a boat and the captain yelled "Land Ho!"

You can pinch an inch on her forehead

She gets her toenails painted by the same guy who paints the Golden Gate Bridge

She installed chairs in the fridge

She has to wear Levi 1002s

She stepped on a talking scale and it said "one at a time, please"