or Connect
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

In Praise of older women...

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night & ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.

An older woman always carries a purse full of emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and bleed to death every time there's a natural disaster.

An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.

An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of a herbal tea.

The older a woman gets, the stronger her libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets... which is why nature intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men. (this one ain't always true - wink, wink )

An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.

An older woman is into free sex! An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man! (child)

Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an ******* if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her. An older woman puts herself on a pedestal.

An older woman will never get pregnant and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an older woman, you will probably be the last to know...

Older women have jobs with dental plans. Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out carving.

An older woman will never accuse you of "using her." She's using you.

Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call...

Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out.

An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas...

Older women are psychic. You never have to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.

Older women often own an interesting collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a strip-tease.

Older women know what Kegel exercises are.

An older woman will agree to go to McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of somebody that they might possibly boff later.

Older women are dignified. They are beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park. (Really? I missed that one.)

Older women are experienced. They understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may need some time to grasp this fact.

An older woman has lots of girlfriends... and most of them will want to boff you too.

An older woman will always meet the minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.

An older woman will never accuse you of stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them first.
post #2 of 15
Excellent!!! But how do you define "older woman?"
post #3 of 15
OH, I LOVE this!!!!!!

And you have no idea how apropos this is to my life at this moment!!!!
post #4 of 15
Lisamarie, older is only defined by the individual making the reference. When I was 26 an "older" woman was 30. Now, in my more mature years, well lets just say I have a slightly different opinion.
post #5 of 15
Awesome list, and certainly true.
(Although BOFF is not a word an older woman would use or appreciate.)

Sir Mack, we must meet you at the Biscuit some night! Do you know Bryan, patrol director, who is also a Bear?:

Watch out world....there are 5 skiers at Bousquet (Biscuit) who frequent Epic! Our numbers are growing!
post #6 of 15
Just out of curiosity, just how many of us on this forum ARE "older women"?
post #7 of 15
What do you consider "older"?
post #8 of 15
If you have to ask, you aren't there yet!
post #9 of 15
I can be 70 and still ask this question!
post #10 of 15
Better to be "older" than old!
post #11 of 15
....And better to be "older" than the alternative!
post #12 of 15
All I know is
1. They don't smell!
2. They don't swell!
3. They don't tell!
post #13 of 15
Skiyoulater: That one is at least as old as Ben Franklin.
post #14 of 15
Originally Posted by Bonni
What do you consider "older"?
Reaching the last several lines of SirMack's original.....

However I do like the phrase used/stolen by Warren Miller in several videos.... "Aging is mandatory, Growing Old is optional".

post #15 of 15
My wife is an "older woman", She says about me..."Get him young, train him right".
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: Humour and Fun Stuff