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Hollywood Lessons

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
1. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one, dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
2. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

3. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach the armpit level of a woman, but only the waist level of the man lying beside her.

4. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

5. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

6. All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

7. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least a half-hour to escape.

8. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

9. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

10. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

11. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

12. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

13. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off, but luckily you'll always blindly choose to cut the right wire.

14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

15. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
post #2 of 5
16. If your spaceship has encountered strange alien activity, and you have been assigned to the landing party to investigate...... don't wear your red shirt
post #3 of 5
17) It's best to investigate strange noises in the middle of the night without turning the lights on.18) If the camera can't see something, neither can the person in the shot - even if said "thing" is 3 inches to their left.
post #4 of 5
19) Never be the unknown (expendible) person in a Star Trek Away Team.

20) After you cut the wire that turns off the bomb, the counter will still count down to 1 second before stopping.
post #5 of 5
18. (since it's been missed) In a crime drama series, the police should arrest the most famous guest star in that episode, as they are always the villain.

21. In the end, the bad guy always gets hit with your last bullet, so you may as well only carry one around in the chamber - it's guaranteed to work.

22. If you hear that the A-team are in your area, make sure every barn has a fork-lift truck, several metal tubes, empty oil drums and arc welding equipment.
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