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Something to offend everyone

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Why is divorce so expensive?
One US leader.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
Because Janet Reno is her real father.
What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
100 ! people who don't do ****.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

post #2 of 7
Ha. Was searching for recipes and ran into this. Just had to bump it.
post #3 of 7
What's the difference between a fairly tale and a ski story?

A fairy tale starts out "Once upon a time"

A ski story starts out "No sh!#, there I was"
post #4 of 7
Hey, I found NONE of those offensive. Can I have a refund?
post #5 of 7
Why is a terrorist like a cue ball?
The harder you hit them, the more english you get out of them...
post #6 of 7
What's the difference between a Northern girl and a Southern girl?

The Northern says, "you can't",

The Southern says, "Ya'all can't"
post #7 of 7
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
I guess I have a speech impediment

How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other? "Hi. I'm better than you."
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What is the difference between a snowboard instructor and a snowboard student? 3 Days
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Three guys drive up to a ski lodge and arrive late at night. They finally find a place to stay, but when they get to their room, they find that it only has one large bed, and this is the last room in the place. They decide, what the heck, it's only one night, and so they share the bed.

The next morning when they all wake up, the guy on the left side of the bed says, "I had the strangest dream. I thought some guy was jerking me off." The guy on the other side of bed is shocked. "No WAY man, I had the same dream, too!"

The guy who slept in the middle says, "Well, I wish I would have had that kind of dream. All I dreamed about was skiing."
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