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Little Johnny

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
1 - A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

2 - Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?

3 - A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might! be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, 'Where is Jesus today?' Steven raised his hand and said, 'He's in heaven.' Mary was called on and answered, 'He's in my heart.' Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, 'I know! I know! He's
in our bathroom!!!' The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds, Finally, he gathered hi s wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, 'Well... every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?!'

4 - The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!'

5 - Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.' Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?'
post #2 of 4

Johnny gets around

Little Johnny was taking confession, when he told the priest he was having impure thoughts about his sister. "Is this a sin, Father?" he asked. The priest nodded and said, "Yes, Johnny, indeed it is a sin. Look at the two beautiful brothers you have!"

English class
Miss Adams was explaining multi-syllable words to her third- grade class. "You all know single-syllable words like hand, foot, house, and dog, but some words are made up of more than one syllable," she said. "Now who can give me an example of a word made up of MORE than one syllable."
Little Johnny raised his hand eagerly.

"All right, Johnnie, go ahead," smiled Miss Adams.

"Autoeroticism," beamed little Johnny.

"My goodness, Johnny, that's a mouthful," marveled Miss Adams.

"No, Miss Adams, that's masturbation," explained Johnny.

"You're thinking of a blowjob."

Math Class
Little Johnny's in his math class. The teacher is explaining subtraction
to the kids. She poses this question to the class: "If three pigeons are
perched on a wire and you shoot one off, how many are left?" The class
is silent. Little Johnny raises his hand.

"You know the answer Johnny?" the teacher asks.

"Yes I do. If three pigeons are on a wire and you shoot one off, none
are left. The other two would fly away."

The teacher seems amused, but calmly corrects Johnny. "No Johnny, if you
shoot one off, two are left, but I like the way you're thinking."

This only frustrates Johnny. About five minutes before class ends,
Johnny raises his hand again.

"Yes Johnny," the teacher asks.

Johnny says, "Three women are sitting on a park bench all eating ice
cream cones. One's bitting it, one's licking it, and one's sucking it;
Which one's married?"

The teacher seems a little confused, but decides to answer, "The one
sucking it?"

Little Johnny replies, "No, the one with the ring on her finger, but I
like the way you're thinking."

post #3 of 4
Thread Starter 
I like the way you're thinking.
post #4 of 4
Nice way to start a friday!
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