Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck.
How to live in a world that’s politically correct?
His workers would no longer answer to "elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they’re calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole,
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety,
Released to the wild by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with four pigs…and did that look stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were deemed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows,
Rudolph was suing…unauthorized use of his nose.
And had gone on Geraldo in front of the whole nation,
Demanding millions in overdue compensation.
And as for the gifts, why he’d never a notion,
That making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for Him and nothing for Her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim, nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls or just for the boys.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie-better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological,
Who claimed the only good gift is ‘ecological".
No Baseball, no football…someone could get hurt, besides playing sports exposed the kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe’,
And Ninetendo would rot the whole brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled and perplexed;
He just couldn’t figure out what to do next.
He tried to be Merry, tried to be gay,
But you’ve got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable could be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the Left or the Right.
A gift that would satisfy with no indecision,
Every group of people, every religion,
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone everywhere…even you.
So here is the gift, it’s price beyond worth.
May You And Your Loved Ones
Enjoy Peace On Earth!