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Poor Canada

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration.

The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among
left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and
agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists, and Unitarians crossing their fields
at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota.

The producer was cold, exhausted, and hungry.

"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I
said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my
screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences,
but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare
Rush Limbaugh across the fields.

"Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush
annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them
across the border, and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking
water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumours have
been circulating about the Bush administration's establishing re-education
camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
NASCAR.

In the days since the election, liberals have turned to
sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to osing
as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs.
After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs,
Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the
supposed senior-citizen passengers.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we
get suspicious about their age," an official said.

"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does
one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President **** Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close
to Cheney said.

"We're going to have some Peter, Paul, & Mary concerts. And we might put
some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to
reach out."
post #2 of 10
haha real funny
post #3 of 10
Thread Starter 
Hope it's not to soon to kid. A democrat friend Emailed this to me, so I assumed the wounds are starting to scab over and the humor phase of rehab had begun.
post #4 of 10
good stuff - lol: "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood
producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota.
post #5 of 10
Just Hillaryious.
post #6 of 10
I liked the part where Rush so annoyed the cows that they stopped producing milk. A close second was the smugglers in Volvos
post #7 of 10
The best one was "how many art-history majors does one country need"? Like we really need any.
post #8 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arby
The best one was "how many art-history majors does one country need"? Like we really need any.
I started the "Perfect town in Canada" thread, so I guess some of that was aimed at me. You gotta wonder a bit though because I'm a registered Republican and we are both geologists from the oil business. Maybe it isn't just art histoy majors heading north.
post #9 of 10
My personal favorite:

Quote:
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumours have
been circulating about the Bush administration's establishing re-education
camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch
NASCAR.
post #10 of 10
newfydog--
do well enough in the awl bidness, n' wunna-yer kids'll be an art history major.
as Budreau said to Fideax, I guarontee it.
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