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Should I go?

post #1 of 33
Thread Starter 
I have a question mostly for the women or anyone with children out there.

My wife and I are in our mid-30's and are expecting our first child in mid-April (14apr2005). We live in North Carolina so we don't get to ski very much anymore. We had originally planned on going to Big Sky for our annual ski week, but have decided against it now that we are pregnant. At one time we had decided on moving up the trip to late January so my wife could go, but she doesn't want to go and not be able to ski.

I was hoping maybe to head for a long weekend in Salt Lake or something to get my fix this year. Last week, my wife came home and asked me if I wanted to play tour guide for some of her friends in Jackson in mid-March. (I spent two months in Jackson last winter so I know the area pretty well.) My big debate is 'Is this too close to our due date?. Should I go with them or stay home with my wife? She will be working on her dissertation trying to finish before she gives birth and prefers to be left alone while working.

Should I go skiing with her friends or stay here with my pregnant wife?: (all of this assumes that everything continues to go well with the pregnancy!)

Any advice?

post #2 of 33
Originally Posted by mannsj
... Last week, my wife came home and asked me if I wanted to play tour guide for some of her friends in Jackson in mid-March.
And you have to ask Us? :

Congratulations, but don't be a weenie. What's this "we're pregnant" stuff? You need to turn off Oprah and turn on the wax iron. You're a tour guide, not a jellyfish! Now, isn't that right? :
post #3 of 33
Originally Posted by carvemeister
And you have to ask Us? :

Congratulations, but don't be a weenie. What's this "we're pregnant" stuff? You need to turn off Oprah and turn on the wax iron. You're a tour guide, not a jellyfish! Now, isn't that right? :
Spoken like a true guy!

I'd talk to her friends and see if there is any way they could make their trip earlier, say late January, early February...if not forget it. You said that this is your first child, it would be horrible if you were not there...there will be other opportunities for a ski trip, but you will never get to experience the birth of your first child again. You would regret missing it (eventhough your wife told you to go and you were being the guide for her friends). There is no way to tell 100% if your wife will deliver on the due date. My sister was 3 weeks early and my brother's wife was a week late.

BTW- Congratulations!
post #4 of 33
First off, congrats! Second, I think you should go if your wife wants you to - just take out some travel insurance just in case. The odds of her having the baby a month early are very slim. The first baby is late for a lot of women. Plus if she does go into labor, I'm sure you'll be able to catch a flight back before the birth (learn the departure times!).
post #5 of 33
Not always so...my sister on her first child had a VERY short labor. She was at the hospital for 15 minutes before her daughter was born. Being her first she called the doctor well before he wanted a call as the contractions were quite far apart and he told them to take their time getting there. It is normally a 45 minute drive. About 10 minutes into the drive things started happening really fast. My brother-in-law, a captain on the fire department, put on his fire light and drove in to the hospital with it going. He radio-ed ahead to each town, none were able to get an ambulance crew together to meet them in time to meet them. Worcester had an ambulance heading out to meet them, but they passed it 2 blocks away from the hospital. My niece was 3 weeks earlier than the projected due date.

Most first babies are slower to come, but do you really want to take the chance that yours will be too and be away? You could have a baby like my niece was...eager to enter the world.
post #6 of 33
Well, I'll try to give you my female perspective, but, I have to warn you, I am a very un-sentimental (and childless by choice) woman!

Presumably, you know your wife better than us, and you guys don't 'play games', meaning you don't suggest one thing to each other, then hope for a different outcome as some kind of insane test of love or loyalty. In my opinion, if you guys are straight with each other, and she suggested you go ski, well, go ski! Particularly since it also sounds like she has the dissertation to keep her busy; hey, if my husband wants to do something fun and I for some reason can't, I don't make him suffer.

Obviously, as you said, pay attention to how the pregnancy is going, and if there seem to be issues, you may have to bail on the trip. I don't doubt that there's a slight chance you could miss the birth because of the trip date; I'd guess that's a small risk, but you and your wife have to weigh that. Heck, unless you are at her side 7x24, there's ALWAYS a slight chance you'll miss it!

Anyway, good luck whatever you decide to do, and congratulations on 'your' (plural - how cute!) pregnancy!

post #7 of 33
I agree with B40. Your wife suggested you go. Unless she likes to "play games" with you, then you should go. Talk with her more, make sure she is serious and as someone else suggested, take out trip insurance in case you have to skip that trip.

post #8 of 33
How sure are you and your wife on the due date. My ex-wife and I we're sure the brith of our son would be around April 4-12th in 1987. Her doctor said March 23rd. Our son was born April 8th.

Go on the trip, just make sure you know how to get back quick if you have to.

My first thought was " What are you, Nut's. Just think how happy she'll be after you get back".
post #9 of 33
This has go to be a troll, but if it isn't it's time to sack up.
post #10 of 33
Re. what Max Capacity says. That's something to keep in mind.

The due date the doctor gives is a standard formula. They take the date of the last period + 2 weeks + 9 months. In other words, they assume that you had the fun two weeks after her last period. However, if you know for sure that wasn't the case, and you are pretty sure that it was earlier than that or later than that.. you can probably use that data to help better understand the risk that the baby will be born before or after the due date. However.. even so, it can happen early or late for many reasons.
post #11 of 33
Work it out with your wife. If you have her blessing, and you feel the risk of missing the event is minimal or non-existent, then go. With that said, the single greatest day of my life was when my daughter was born so it's not something you want to miss. And don't let the "sack up" comments get you down; some people just don't get it.
post #12 of 33
Gee, July 4th- Apr 4th, you do the math. My son's mom is a RN she has a clue.
post #13 of 33
I guess I'm the only one, but I'd say don't go. Pregnant women can be unpredictable and bizarrely emotional (for chemical and other reasons); depending on physique, it can be tough for them to get around and take care of day-to-day stuff during the last little bit there; and there's a chance (pretty slight, but still) of complications or an early delivery.
post #14 of 33
If your wife is anything like mine, pass up this trip. You are going to be a dad, there a alot of things that need to be done in the months before your child's birth. Also, how much fun do you think you can have while knowing your wife is probably miserable at home. Plus imagine how much love and respect that you will get from your wife by making the selfless decision to pass up something you so desperately are looking forward too, just to be with her. How many awesome ski trips is that going to be worth in the future?

just my .02
post #15 of 33
Pass up the trip. If something happens while your gone you'll regret it for the rest of you life no matter how much justification you had to go.
post #16 of 33
Finally some other rational people who feel the same as I do. If you miss a ski trip there is always another one, but if you miss the birth of your first child there will NEVER be an opportunity for it again. Your wife is telling you to go now, but will she really feel that way then? She is going to need you then, if not for the moral support, then to get things ready for the arrival of your child.
post #17 of 33
I can't resist. No way would I do that trip. Your wife sounds like a great lady and she is thinking about you but in her current state her hormones are going crazy. She is not the same person you married nor will she ever be again. She is now a mother and will act like one.

From what I'm reading between the lines is that she is just as avid as you are so she's willing to sacrafice. That's nice but if you go that doesn't say much for you. In your own words "we're pregnant."

Stand by, your life has just radically changed the trips are going to be fewer and fewer. You might as well get used to it, for the next twenty years look to see a lot of Pee Wee soccor games.

Congratulations, it will be worth it in the end, or at least till the first college bill comes in.

Remember you are a couple.
post #18 of 33
Hmmm... mid-march trip, mid apr due date. Mid March is only week 36 or so, so on that basis alone I'd go -- you'll be glad you did. OTOH, it may come early -- especially if completing the dissertation will stress her out. It depends on how you think she'll handle your absence and her work at the same time. You think she'll need to get the dissertation done before the birth? Will she be pushing herself real hard? That's the risk you take.
post #19 of 33
This is a life issues situation. There are many different ones as we all trudge along through life, and they all show what we are made of. ..If you want to send a message that self gratification overrides responsibilty, go on the trip. But; if you want to send the message that your family and wife mean more to you than recreational pursuits, you should stay home and make her feel like a queen during a time when she might not feel that way.
post #20 of 33
My take is book a four day weekend in early December out west. Make sure she has plenty of friends or parents around and enjoy the last little bit of freedom. Funny thing is that two hours of getting ready, a few runs of pizza pie, french fry, a bottle and a nap becomes as much fun as a powder day alone. Go figure... If you don't understand the last sentance, you will....
post #21 of 33
From selfish male chauvinist with four kids: read and heed what B40 said, then go for it. Make sure wife has trustworthy and close by friend or family member to help in case of early birth or other difficulties. You may not get a week off to ski again until junior is a toddler, so ski your a$$ off in JH, but ease back on cliff jumps unless you have a ton of life insurance. Also, start taking note of how parents work with their young children on the slopes this winter. That will be your line of work for the next 10-15 years depending on how many kids you have. Hang in there and pay your diaper-changing dues. If you've raised 'em right, from about age 8 they'll become your best ski/board buds, and that is particularly nice as a number of your aging contemporaries will be dropping out of the sport about that time.
Glad I never had to face your quandry, but I'm no stranger to guilt from pursuing skiing over family responsibilities, especially in early days. Bringing and using a cell phone at least daily might ease that for you. BTW, my wife never had a labor longer than 3.5 hrs. No way could I have returned from a distant ski locale to catch any of the 4 births.
post #22 of 33

This is really a tough one. There are completely valid arguments on both sides of the question. Still, I have to say that I agree with the "don't go" side.

Your wife probably really does want you to go and it probably would work out just fine. But as Rio says, one possible result of this trip is a lifetime of regrets.

I think you ought to pass.

Jackson will still be here in a couple of years. Why not come back then with Mom and the little two-year-old ripper-to-be?


And if you need someone to show those poor, unescorted ladies around JH, you know how to reach me.
post #23 of 33
Tough call. One thing you need to be prepared for is your wife's nesting instincts that will kick in about a month before you would head to JH.

If you make sure your nursery is ready, car seat is in the car, etc., etc., you may be able to get away without too many issues.
BTW, we had our first kid 3 years ago, and she came 3 weeks early. If your trip was more than a month beofre the expected date, I'd be more willing to say Go, but at only a month.....

Oh yeah... CONGRATS!
post #24 of 33
My initial thought was, "Go you wuss!"

But upon reading some more level headed responses, I have joined the "pass" camp.

Get your West coast skiing done by Mar. 1, and be home for your family.

Oh, and the whole "we're pregnant" is mad gay. FYI.
post #25 of 33
"we" are not pregnant. She is doing all of the work, she will have the hormonal attacks, she will work harder than you can imagine in a natural childbirth and she will bear 99% of the scars should anything bad happen with this pregnancy.

did you say dissertation? hormonal mood shifts + physical discomfort +high stress = yikes. May I recommend planning a WARM (I know this is heresy) weather get away where she can just plain relax and you two can find a few moments to savor together. After the tike is in your arms for the first time your next truly family stress free moments are after the last tuition is paid- I really, really mean it, find a way to spend AT LEAST 3-4 days away from home in a place you can enjoy as a couple. Cherish this time together, make her take a break- it will be good for your souls.

3-4 days in Utah in January- go get some freshies while she writes, but only after you have tickets in hand tickets for a trip with this lady who is clearly doing it all-

Congrats, good luck and find a way to enjoy March within 2-3 hours of home (can you say mountain bike?)--
post #26 of 33
Give mannsj a break, don't you know he is simply using the Royal form of 'we'. It is much like saying "We're remodeling." I'm confident what he meant to say is "We are expecting."

Much as I'd like to say you should go play tour guide, don't do it. Heed the wise words offered above.

And don't ever say "we're pregnant" again. Sheeesh.

Congratulations to both of you.
post #27 of 33
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone for your replies. I want to give everyone an update. First, my wife does not play games. If she says it is okay for me to go, then it is okay. Even so, I have decided to pass on the trip to Jackson. (Bob, I maybe sending the group your way for some local guidance. By the way, we did by the land over near Driggs so we'll be out there from time to time.)

We booked a trip to the warm Jamaican beaches in January so that my wife can relax and enjoy herself. I was being very selfish so now we are taking a trip we can both enjoy. I may try to take a long weekend somewhere like Alta, but it won't be in March.

Thanks. Everyone ski a few runs for me.
post #28 of 33

Good move.

I was one of those wives like yours. I told my husband to "go visit your friends" 300 miles away about 3 weeks before I was due. There was time....it would be ok. What a regret.

He headed out on his motorcycle on Wednesday morning.

Wednesday afternoon, I started feeling "funny" in the grocery. I had cleaned the house, stocked the cupboards, and was Soooooooo Tired, I laid down for a nap. I woke up at 7 pm and my water had broken (we had a waterbed....I thought it had sprung a leak!!):

He got back on the bike and drove all night to get to the hospital. He was dog tired too, and he didn't miss the birth, but it was sure strange to have the neighbor take me to the hospital and wait with me for hours. Not knowing if he WOULD miss it made things awful.

Congratulations on a good choice, and ENJOY the sun also!
post #29 of 33
Apologize in advance for hijacking this thread and going on a parental whine.

My wife and I had conversation this AM about the following quote from a recent Dr. Phil interview with the Bush's on TV: In preparation for a book that I've done, I've conducted a survey of 20,000 parents and asked them all the questions I could about parenting. I was shocked at one thing: Forty percent of them said, 'If I knew then what I know now, I probably wouldn't have started a family.' "

Love my wife dearly and our marriage is solid. Love my 4 kids too, but frankly, I struggle to cope with/justify all the sacrifices that seem to be required these days to be a good parent.

My conversation with my wife over the Dr. Phil quote led to some thoughts about why all the resentment adults have towards their kids? Sure, some of it is from the selfishness or frazzled state of the adults. There is so much to distract us these days. But we both thought a lot of resentment comes from a cultural trend that seems to demand that parents must do everything they can to make their kids happy. We both chuckled over our own upbringings in large families where kids had to fit their schedules around the adults. Kids made their own fun right out in the backyard, not 10 miles away in a shopping mall or movie multiplex. What happened to responsibility, cooperation and self sufficiency we knew as kids?

Don't have an answer on the resentment thing. Hoping prayer and the healing hands of time get me past the stage I'm in now...4 kids between the ages of 11 and 19. In the hope of getting our family more on track, the wife and I just agreed on one initial step, we're cutting off all TV between Monday and Thursday - indefinitely. That includes Dr. Phil.

Don't want to discourage you mannsj. Kids are a challenge, but they also provide a sense of purpose in life that can raise a comman man to nobility. Plus, they're really fun to ski with!
post #30 of 33
posted by Jamesj:

But we both thought a lot of resentment comes from a cultural trend that seems to demand that parents must do everything they can to make their kids happy. We both chuckled over our own upbringings in large families where kids had to fit their schedules around the adults. Kids made their own fun right out in the backyard, not 10 miles away in a shopping mall or movie multiplex. What happened to responsibility, cooperation and self sufficiency we knew as kids?

Standing ovation to Jamesj.
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