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Don't mess with these people

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
Seven examples of why not to mess with children:

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."

6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.." "Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

[ December 11, 2003, 01:06 PM: Message edited by: nolo ]
post #2 of 4
post #3 of 4
From the mouths of babes, TRUTH.
post #4 of 4
More of the same:

Kids Say the Darnest Things

1. The future of "I give" is "I take."

2. The parts of speech are lungs and air.

3. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

4. A census taker is a man who goes from house to
house increasing the population.

5. Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin.
Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

6. (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is
cold water.

7. A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man
has never set foot.

8. The general direction of the Alps is straight up.

9. A city purifies its water supply by filtering the
water then forcing it through an aviator.

10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster
of Paris.

11. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The
head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.

12. We do not raise silk worms in the United States,
because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.

13. One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

14. A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and
respects all duly constipated authorities.

15. One by-product of raising cattle is calves.

16. To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray
into the nose until it drips into the throat.

17. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and

18. The climate is hottest next to the Creator.

19. Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it
were deeply religious feelings.

20. The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it
is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

21. Syntax is all the money collected at the church
from sinners.

22. The blood circulates through the body by flowing
down one leg and up the other.

23. In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.

24. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.

25. A person should take a bath once in the summer,
not so often in the winter.
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