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Redneck Love Poem

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy bout it all
She told her Pappy so.

Pappy told her, "Susie gal,
You'll just have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother."

So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will.
But after telling Pappy this,
He said, "There's trouble still....

You cain't marry Will, my gal....
And please don' t tell your Mother,
But Will and Joe and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother."

But Mama knew and said, "My child,
Just do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe-
You ain't no kin to Pappy!"
post #2 of 4
And here's the Irish version, made popular in the US by Buffy Saint Marie:
Oh Johnny be fair
and Johnny be fine
he wants me for to wed.
And I would marry Johnny
but my father up and said.
"I'm sad to tell you daughter
what your mother never knew.
That Johnny to is a son of mine
and so he's kin to you."

Oh Billy be fair
and Billy be fine. . .

Oh Jimmy be fair
and Jimmy be fine. . .

Well you never seen
a girl so sad and sorry as I was.
The boys in town are all my kin and
my father is the cause.
If life should thus continue
I shall die a single miss
so I go to my mother
and complain to her of this.

Oh daughter didn't I
teach you to forgive and to forget.
Your father might have
sowed his oats but
still you needn't fret.
Your father may be
father to all the boys
in town but still....
He's not the one who sired you
so marry who you will.
post #3 of 4
Oh man, check out this parody I found:

Words: © 1986 by Tom Smith
Music: "Johnny Be Fair" by Buffy Saint-Marie
© 1965 Gypsy Boy Music
The original song is a spiffy pseudo-Irish ballad, about a young woman whose father turns down all her prospective suitors because they're related ("I hate to tell you, daughter, what your mother never knew / But Billy, too, is a son of mine, and so is kin to you"). I'm very pleased my dad is amused by the song, because he isn't the jerkface in it, and I really wasn't trying to knock him -- it was just the structure of the song, yeah, that's it. (Speaking of which, I really should listen to my old albums now and then; I'd completely forgotten about Verse Three. Yeesh.) I may update things at some point; almost all the women are real, and I've met a different bunch of lovely ladies since then.

Jenny be fair, and Jenny be fine, and wants me for to wed,
And I would marry Jenny, but my father up and said,
"I hate to tell you something, son, you maybe never knew,
But Jenny's voted Democrat since Nineteen-Eighty-Two."

Well, Julie be fair, and Julie be fine, and wants me for to wed,
And I would marry Julie, but my father up and said,
"Now listen, boy, a girl's a toy for cold and lonely nights,
And Julie's worked the last decade for womens' equal rights."

Well, Mary is fair, and Mary is fine, and wants to marry me,
But Father said, "You're out of your head, she's not the girl for thee,
She works in an abortion clinic, lives with pain and strife,
And might get blown to smithereens one night by Right to Life."

Well, Rachel is cute, and thinks of me as husband-on-the-hoof,
But when my father heard of it, he up and hit the roof:
"How can you think to marry her? My God, the girl's a Jew!"
I didn't mention Stephanie, who's pagan through and through.

Fine! Gail is cute, and Gail is tough, and wants to be my pal.
But Dad said, "Marry her if you must, but don't befriend a gal!"
I tried to tell him Gail does not want to marry me,
But Gail told him better than I -- best two falls out of three.

Well, every time a woman seems to be the one for me,
My father blows it all to Hell with his philosophy,
But I prefer my lady friends, and they have much more class,
So I'll have an affair with whomever I care, and Dad can kiss my ass.
post #4 of 4
Cletus and Ruby done got hitched
and had 'em chil'en by the dozens
Weren't till they done growed up
they lernt ma and pa was cousins.
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