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Planning a Funeral?

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 
Some may think this in poor taste, I however thought it funny

When planning a funeral, the most important thing you need is a corpse, ideally someone who has been dead only a few days.

If a funeral home does not have a colonial-style fa├žade with stately Doric columns, it is a bad funeral home.

Though it may be somewhat unpleasant, the only way to ensure that Grandma likes her casket is to show her the catalog and make her point.

To help offset costs, have the funeral sponsored by a large company like Coca-Cola or Target.

Remember: Place the body in the casket face up.

If the deceased happens to be your twin, don't hesitate to capitalize on the many hilarious pranks that are possible.
Hire a priest to say a bunch of priest shit before everyone hits the buffet.

When choosing a casket, be sure to choose one large enough to accommodate the many treasures, spices, and servants that will accompany your loved one on his or her journey to the Afterworld.

For a lighthearted look at funeral planning, rent the 1999 Jennifer Lopez romantic comedy The Funeral Planner.

It is considered customary to tip your funeral director 10 percent of the price of the casket.

The pig-roast pit should be situated a minimum of 200 feet from the gravesite.

Even if you are young and healthy, it is a good idea to leave instructions for your funeral. Otherwise, they might play an Eminem song that's not one of your favorites.

Actually, you really can't "plan" a funeral. It's more the kind of thing that just happens.
post #2 of 2
Quote:
Originally posted by Kima:
(snip)Remember: Place the body in the casket face up.

(snip)
thanks for the laugh
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