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Top Ten Puns

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead
raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm
sorry, gentlemen only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to
Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed
behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of
two weevils.

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they
lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for
the man who shot my paw."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain
during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and
were standing in the lobby discussing their recent
tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager
came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why? "they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I
can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of
them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The
other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her
husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan,
you've seen Ahmal."

8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since
everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival
florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He
asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored
him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the
roughest and most vicious thug in town to persuade them to
close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the
time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his
feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail
and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This
made him...what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good!) A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different
puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns
would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[ November 05, 2002, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: Rio ]
post #2 of 5
ha ha hee ha ha!!! great!
post #3 of 5
Thanks for making me laugh first thing on a miserably wet Wednesday morning.

post #4 of 5
Do you write for Letterman? [img]graemlins/thumbsup.gif[/img]
post #5 of 5
Although I am sitting here at the library trying not to laugh out loud : Here's two you missed:

A friend of mine went on a business trip over the holidays last year and, since he was on an expense account, he took this opportunity to order room service for the first time. The prices were obnoxious, but he ordered anyway. A light meal - eggs benedict and a mimosa for Sunday brunch. Upon seeing the glowing silver cart on which his meal was being delivered he asked the attendant why such a light meal was brought in such an ostentatious (sp?) manner? The attendant replied, "there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

What do you get when you throw a live grenade into a french kitchen? .... Linoleum blown apart. [img]graemlins/evilgrin.gif[/img]
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