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Some George Carlin Observations

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 
Some of you may have seen these already, but I got a chuckle:

George Carlin Strikes Again
> >
> >Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those
> >little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
> >
> >Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a
> >peeing section in a swimming pool?
> >
> >OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and
> >the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", what does that
> >make the Tennessee Titans ?
> >
> >If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that
> >one enjoys it?
> >
> >Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
> >
> > If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
> >
> >When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put
> >your two cents in . . . What happens to the other penny?
> >
>> >Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a
> >person who drives a race car not called a racist?
> >
> >Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
> >
> >Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
> >
> >If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
> >electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
> >deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
> >
> >If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
> > I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me. They're cramming for their final
> >exam.
> >
> >Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
> >What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just
> >put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look
> >for them while they deliver the mail?
> >
> > You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
> >
> >No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.
> >
> > If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
> >
> >Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
post #2 of 3
ahh yes, carlin, my favorite comedian...

nice one...
post #3 of 3
Carlin is wonderful, and inspirational in that he is one of the few who dares to buck the majority and be openly non-theist. Along those lines, some of my favorite Carlin quotes:

"I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to "God" are all answered at about the same 50-percent rate."

"Religion easily has the greatest bs story ever told. Think about it, religion has actually convinced people that there's an INVISIBLE MAN...LIVING IN THE SKY...who watches every thing you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten special things that he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish where he will send to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry for ever and ever ┬┤til the end of time . . . but he loves you."

"I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death."

"I want you to know, when it comes to believing in god- I really tried. I really really tried. I tried to believe that there is a god who created each one of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize...something is F**ked-UP. Something is WRONG here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is NOT good work. If this is the best god can do, I am NOT impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind of s**t you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful-butt a long time ago."

And he has many many more . . . . [img]smile.gif[/img]
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