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Montana Life

post #1 of 6
Thread Starter 
As I was arriving in the Bozeman airport the other day, I State Trooper
> >handing a flyer out to everyone with a cell phone. Below is the content:
> >
> >Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when
> >come to Montana, the local Tourism Councils have adopted a new policy.
> >an effort to help folks understand rural Eastern Montana, the following
> list
> >has been prepared:
> >
> >1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you
> do
> >all week at the gym.
> >2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're
> >to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need
> >Drive it or get it out of the way.
> >3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah,
> we
> >saw Bambi. We got over it.
> >4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
> >whipped... by our women.
> >5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
> flathead
> >breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch
> >you fish for...bait.
> >6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
> >7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
> final
> >approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your
> >at the time.
> >8. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it
> >rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
> >and turkey.
> >9. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar
> >and a long spoon.
> >10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
> >ice.
> >11. So you have a $60,000 car. We're real impressed. We have $250,000
> >combines that we use only two weeks a year.
> >12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when
> >it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
> >13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,
> you're
> >a feminist. Isn't that cute.
> >14. Yeah, we eat venison, elk, bear and fish. You really want sushi and
> >caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
> >15. They are cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like
> >The Interstate goes both directions-- Pick a direction and use it
> >accordingly.
> >16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious
> >holiday.You can get breakfast at the church.
> >17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
> >Understand the concept?
> >
post #2 of 6
excellent, slider. it's funny how many of those actually ring VERY true, especially the stuff about the Californians or other citified folks who move here and expect Montanans to conform to city folks' style, rather than vice versa. When I moved here, it was because of the Montana pace, etc., and I did NOT expect to be able to continue acting like I was in a city. Still, the natural beauty of Montana keeps attracting the types of city jerks who move here because it's easier to "show off" with a trophy house, a long PAVED driveway (don't get dirt on that Navigator), and several expensive cars & trucks. Those jerks also insist that local govt add "more street lights" because they are afraid of the dark, and they try to tell fishermen & hunters that they are "cruel to animals."

Just west of Missoula, in the area known as Nine Mile, some city folks have bought land, built houses, and decided to raise llamas. Nine Mile has two known wolf packs. The wolves naturally prey on the llamas. The city geeks insist that the wolf packs be eradicated. WHO IS RIGHT HERE?

Yes, Montana is a great place. It's too bad that most of the city arsewholes who move here can't adapt, and insist that Montana adapt to fit them.

post #3 of 6
Thread Starter 
Montana's Information-Superhighway
I'd like to be where you are. Maybe someday I'll get to drive a 1968 GMC pick-up.
What hell good is a LLama? Ya can't even ride one.
post #4 of 6
From a country boy formerly lost in the city (quoted by a dear friend over 20 years ago) I like it. Montana is the only state I haven't been to yet in one form or another. In my mind it's a mystique ... kinda like heaven. I'm on my way, though!
post #5 of 6
A couple inaccuracies in the list. Take 12 for example. Here in Montana yellow means step on it, the lights going to turn red. 'Opener' really should be in the plural since there are multiple hunting seasons here & hunting is done to fill the freezer, not for wall ornaments.

My two years in Montana has been unique. The state reminds me a lot of non-Willamette Valley Oregon 25 years ago. Most of it is still unspoiled. The economy is stuck transitioning from resource exploitation with the state politicians fighting to keep dying industries alive.

[ August 30, 2002, 10:35 AM: Message edited by: Rio ]
post #6 of 6
Yup, that sums up how the locals in Montana see things.
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