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Man, that guy is stupid.

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 
I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right in
front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder to
avoid hitting her. This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung
his arm out his window and "flipped" the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and
wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic,
and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work, that's 96 miles each day. Of
these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper. Most of the bumper-to-bumper
is on an 8-lane highway. There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles. That
works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars total. Even though the rest
of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000
cars. That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars, which I pass everyday.

Statistically, females drive 18,000, or half of these cars. In any
given group of females 1 in 28 has PMS. That's 642. According to
Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.
That's 449. According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all
females have seriously considered suicide or homicide. That's 98. And 34%
describe men as their biggest problem. That's 33. According to the National
Rifle Association 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has
a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed-and-dangerous.

Flip one off?.......
Not me...
post #2 of 2
Thread Starter 
Driving to town this morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 85 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! As I passed her, I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, working on her makeup, and talking on the cell phone!!

It scared me so badly, I could not continue to steer with my knees, so I grabbed the wheel with my right hand, which caused me to drop my electric shaver, which I tried to catch with my left hand, which caused me to loose my grip on the donut. In all the confusion of trying to keep from wrecking out the car, I knocked my cell phone away from my left ear and it fell into the coffee between my legs, DISCONNECTING AN IMPORTANT CALL, causing the coffee to spill on my new Italian silk trousers, and resulting in extensive burns to my groin!!!!!!!

Did I flip her off, no; I smiled and waived sheepishly admitting mea culpa through pantomime.

My Chiropractor says I will never fully heal from this injury. My lawyer says I have a better than 50% chance of recovering $5,000,000 or more from McDonald’s since their coffee was much too hot.
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