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How to wash your cat

post #1 of 20
Thread Starter 
How to wash your cat

1 - Thoroughly clean the toilet.

2 - Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.

3 - Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

4 - In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION.' Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5 - Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "powerwash" and "rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.

6 - Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.

7 - Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8 - The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.

Sincerely The Dog
post #2 of 20
The big question is

Have you tried this?
post #3 of 20
Thread Starter 
aah no...but as a kid I decided my cat would like to ride my surf board in our pool.. He was very trusting cat...I dragged him and the board into the middle of the pool where the cat unexpectedly jumped off the board and did dog paddle to the ladder and climbed out. smart cat ! Mum was none too impressed with the cat now doing a rather good impression of a drowned rat. Still I did point out that I had proven that cats can infact swim
post #4 of 20
post #5 of 20
How about the one on feeding the cat it's pill?
post #6 of 20
While we are at it - lets get other critters of the animal kingdom:
Attention! In about 1/4 of the countries in the world people are not used to eating dog meat.

If you live in one of these countries, you might find this offensive.

The Advantages of dog meat:

1. Less hormone than poultry

2. More fine structure than beef

3. Less fat then pork

4. Less taste of fat than mutton

5. Known for being easily digestible

6. Contains less heavy metal than fish
post #7 of 20

Okay Willow, its time for your bath!

Right, Giselle, time for your mouth wash!

<FONT COLOR="#800080" SIZE="1">[ March 14, 2002 06:35 AM: Message edited 1 time, by dchan ]</font>
post #8 of 20
Nice pictures!

I love dogs (except for the noisy kind) and cats (except for the fat spoiled kid), and I don't think you can generalize about the personalities of either dog or cat lovers. But I do think you can generalize about the personalities of dog or cat haters!
post #9 of 20
Giselle never barks, except when Willow, the cat swats her, or Blackcomb, the kitten she "rescued" gets too needy with her!
post #10 of 20
Is that photo of Giselle from her "portfolio spread" for a Pethouse centerfold?
post #11 of 20
LOL, sure looks like it! I have a slightly off color story about a time when I saw her languishing like that when Blackcomb was on her "lap"! [img]redface.gif[/img]
post #12 of 20
Is she a Brindell Greyhound?
post #13 of 20
post #14 of 20
Something odd behind your dog . . . *Vinyl* !!!

And whats that machine-gun turret looking thingy in the window in front of your cat?
post #15 of 20
Ah, talk about being observant!! Almost did'nt know what you meant by "machine gun thing". Part of the terrace door!

BTW, I have NO idea why Willow's picture showed up twice! Must be the Alpha cat in her that makes it happen!

<FONT COLOR="#800080" SIZE="1">[ March 14, 2002 06:36 AM: Message edited 1 time, by dchan ]</font>
post #16 of 20
Todd M. that's called a load lock. It's used to hold in boxes in semi trailers.
post #17 of 20
A ski friends bumper sticker

Cat The OTHER white meat!
post #18 of 20

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sail bags. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from chain locker, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from deck watch.

6) Kneel on deck with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from chart rack, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from deck and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from deck using cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor's boat. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from tool locker and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty working gloves from tool locker, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 1/2 pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
post #19 of 20
Ok - again, I love cats and dogs. So to even things out:

Psychology of the dog owners
Why does someone become a dog owner?

Dog is considered as a status symbol.

Boredom: Owner is unable to entertain himself.

Oafishness: Owner needs an equally stupid partner

Security equipment: Owner ist too stingy to buy real alarm equipment

Usefulness: Guide dog, Avalanche dog. This is the exception

The need to talk: The poor animal has to listen. Luckily the poor animal does not understand anyway.

Alleged animal love: Caring for a helpless animal, which was bred for humans anyway. Thus the animal is condemned to diminish in a city dwelling.

Compensation: The dog has to make up for the weaknesses of its owner. Therefore combat dogs almost always are owned by idiots.

Child entertainment: Some parents believe that their children would be bored without a dog. However young people suffer from the obligations they have because of the dog.

Dogs are generally a spitting image of their owners, sharing thesame characteristics:

Just as fat

Just as aggressive

Just as stupid

Just as undisciplined
post #20 of 20
Well, looking at Giselle's photo, you may say she's my spitting image!

And since neither of us were fast enough to become professional racers, we both opted to become....."pets"! [img]smile.gif[/img]
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