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post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Its an oldie....but in case no-ones got a laugh out of it yet..


> >1 star hangover*
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere half-time nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Still able to function relatively well. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as The Simpson Desert.Even vegetarians are craving a hamburger and chips.

> >2 star hangover **

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of a stapler. The coffee you chug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut,which is craving a full English breakfast.Although you have a nice demeanour about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk e-mails.

> >3 star hangover ***

Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely a space cadet and so not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because the perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a litre of coke watching Good Morning Australia with Moonface. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a litre of water, 2 Chicko Rolls and a litre of diet coke,yet you haven't pissed once.

> >4 star hangover ****
You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might honk. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving or it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems, depending on your gender. Your teeth have sweaters, your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Moss Vale secondary school circa 1976. You would give a weeks pay for one of the following ?
> >* Home time
> >* A doona and somewhere to be alone
> >* A time machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before.

> >5 star hangover *****
You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you. Stolle vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last of the moisture left in your body. Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe... very gently.

> >6 star hangover ******
You arrive home and climb into bed. Sleep comes instantly; as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep and the noises inside your head wake you up. You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room. No matter what you do you know your going to chuck. You stumble out of bed and now find that your room's in a yacht under full sail. After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the dunny. If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left(the toilet), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage,even if it is short lived. Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and it usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark. With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15 minute intervals, but your body wont relent. You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your bum come out your mouth on the last
occasion. You lie there cold and shivering, with eruptions now occurring at 1hour intervals. It is now dawn, and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. You have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital. You finally feel well enough to eat again on the following day, with the mention of alcohol making your stomach churn. This effect of sight or smell of alcohol making your stomach churn lasts for a week and publicly you vow never to do it again.... until next time.

<FONT COLOR="#800080" SIZE="1">[ February 11, 2002 05:50 PM: Message edited 1 time, by Jane ]</font>
post #2 of 12
OK, before anyone else jumps in (i.e. Sugar or Gonzo)
Yes, I did notice a startling similarity between my day-to-day living and a 2 star hangover.

post #3 of 12
Thanks Jane. I had not seen this one but I do believe that I can verify each star...I just refuse to admit when, where or how often.
post #4 of 12
Jane: One minor point of contention here!

I NEVER crave an English breakfast. It's on of the best reasons to stay away from the UK.....

Fried Tomato? Bangers ..... a silly link that tries to appear to be a sausage but lurking within is some veggie-meal, the real meat wouldn't even be a minor peak on a mass-spectrometer.

Instant Java (Nescafe)....... gimmie a real cup-o-joe!

WW-2 War Rations ...... :

<FONT COLOR="#800080" SIZE="1">[ February 12, 2002 07:47 PM: Message edited 1 time, by yuki ]</font>
post #5 of 12
Mmm. Ulster Fry:
2 fried eggs
2 fried sausages
Potato bread
Fried pancake
Soda Farl
Wheaten Bread
(Bacon, baked beans, black pudding & white pudding are optional)

I'm getting hungry.


P.S. I've never worked out why Ulster has one of the highest rates of heart disease in Europe.
post #6 of 12
Thread Starter 
come on fellas, when falling somewhere b/w a 2 and 3 star hangover there's nothing like a good fry up...all that grease. yummo

thankfuly today is only a 1 star...phew..
post #7 of 12
I was just giving you the shopping list for the next Bears meeting I make it to.
Try not to wake me when you get up to cook me breakfast.

post #8 of 12
Thread Starter 
ok time to bring this to the top again as its a great way of describing how I feel today.

ahh somewhere b/w a 2 and 3 star hangover. with my last day at work and an all afternoon drinking session ahead of me I reckon I can add a few more stars by the time I fly out tomorrow..

post #9 of 12
Hope it was worth it! [img]tongue.gif[/img]

Give me a call if you have time while your in Colorado! Gotta bed if you need one. If I do not see you have a safe and fun adventure.
post #10 of 12
Thread Starter 
Thanks Kima ! I'll definitely give you a call. maybe even try and convince you to come for a ride
post #11 of 12
Hey Jane,
Like Kima said...

Misquote of original post by Kima:
Give me a call while you're in London! Gotta bed if you need one for a safe and fun adventure
Now, of course we will never meet, cause when would either of us be in the same country as the other???

post #12 of 12


Its 3:30 in the a.m. and I may just be over-tired but this is HILARIOUS. I have experienced all of them and it brings back many fond (not so fond) memories.
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