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One for WTFH

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 
Sean walks into a bar. (How's that for an original start??)

Before he makes it the 20 feet to the bar, the two most gorgeous women in the place "accidentally" bump into him, and whisper demure apologies, with smiles on their lips.

When he reaches the bar, the bartender asks him what he'll have and he orders a beer. He pulls out a wad of bills big enough to choke a horse, peels off a fifty, and tells the barkeep to buy one for himself as well, and keep the change.

Bartender says "Yes sir, and thank you sir!" Then he pulls off two pints, and sets them in front of Sean. Guys tips like that, you have your drink with him, right?

At that moment someone down the bar called for another drink. So the bartender heads down to serve the other customer.

Now, what no one else can see, is that there's a leprachaun, about a foot tall, sitting on Sean's shoulder. Invisible, as leprechauns are wont to be, to all but those who are chosen.

Anyway, the leprechaun jumps off Sean's shoulder, runs to the barkeep's beer, and kicks it over!

The barkeep comes back, to profuse apologies from Sean, who peels off another fifty, and tells him the buy himself a fresh one. "Can't understand how that happened" and all that. The barkeep didn't quite see it,and accidents do happen. He's quite ready to forgive Sean (keeping in mind the generous tips).

So he pulls himself another pint. This time he's standing right there, when the leprechaun, which he can't see, jumps off Sean's shoulder, runs over and kicks over the beer. He didn't see Sean do it, but there's no one else in arm's reach.

"Sir," he says, "I appreciate your patronage, but I run a nice place here, and won't be puting up with that nonsense."

Sean, appearing mortified, apologized profusely again, peeled off TWO fifty's, and bought the good man another beer. But no sooner was it set down than the leprechaun jumped down, ran over to it, and kicked it over too.

A moment later, as Sean is picking himself off the street, dusting himself off, and wiping the blood from his lip, he looks at the leprechaun, strolling casually from the bar, and says "Why are you always doing this to me? I can't go anywhere but that you do something to get me thrown out. Why??"

And the leprechaun looks him in the eye, and says "When you captured the King of the Leprachauns, he granted you three wishes to set him free.

First, you wanted to be irresistible to women. Well, you saw how they looked at you, and got close. Why, I think the barkeep's mother herself was going to pinch your bottom.

Second, you wanted wealth. Sure, and you've noticed that roll of bills never gets smaller, no matter how many you spend.

Last, you wanted a 12 inch pr!ck, and Bucko, I'm IT!"
post #2 of 2
Very good, it reminds me of another famous one...

Paddy went into a bar with a shoe box under his arm. He went up to the barman and ordered a pint of Guinness. As soon as the pint was poured (which takes about 3 minutes to do properly) he started to cry.
The barman ignored him, but Mick, who was sitting next to him turned round and asked what was wrong.
Through his tears, Paddy opened the shoe box to reveal a man about a foot tall playing a miniature piano beautifully. The music was exquisite. Those wonderful sounds, played so well, it brought a tear to Mick's eye.
"So, Paddy", says Mick, "why are you crying? Is it because this music is so wonderful?"
Paddy replied "It's like this... Last week I'd been in here having a few jars, and I left the place around 2am. I was staggering home along the bank of the Shannon, when I saw this leprechaun. He said to me that if I'd give him a sip of my whiskey, he'd grant me one wish. So I thought about how my wife hasn't been too happy recently, and I decided what I wanted."

Mick says "That's really good of you, being so romantic to get your wife this musician to make her happy. Can you tell me where exaclty this leprechaun is, I'd like to meet him myself"

Paddy told him "If you go through the village, and turn left towards O'Flattery's farm, then go down to the river, you should see him near the bridge. But I warn you, you need to speak up, because he is a bit deaf."

"Thanks," says Mick, "but tell me Paddy, you met the leprechaun, he granted you your wish, and now you've got this beautiful music, so why are you crying?"

"Well," says Paddy, "I didn't know he couldn't hear properly until after I'd asked for my wish, and that's why I'm crying. The leprechaun thought I said I wanted a 12" painist."
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