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New definitions of words

post #1 of 2
Thread Starter 
Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Pokemon (n), A Jamaican proctologist.
post #2 of 2
The Washington Post's Style Invitational asked readers to take any
>word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing
>one letter, and supply a new definition.
>Here are some recent winners:
>Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts
>until you realize it was your money to start with.
>Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
>of getting laid.
>Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
>person who doesn't get it.
>Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
>Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
>Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease (this one got extra credit).
>Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
>really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes
>and it's like, a serious bummer.
>Glibido: All talk and no action.
>Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
>when they come at you rapidly.
>And, the pick of the literature:
>Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an *******.
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