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Beer - is there anything it can't do?

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained, or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of beer helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few who stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years. So, this is a call to arms. As our country is losing its technological edge, we must not shudder in our homes. Get back into the bars. Down that pint. Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have.
Take life by the bottle and be all that you can be.

A person must believe in something. I believe I will have a beer.
post #2 of 5
Interesting theory. Makes perfect sense to me [img]smile.gif[/img]
post #3 of 5
Yep - thats a classic theory, first saw it years ago out of South Africa and called the "Wildebeest Theory"!
Along the same lines:

Top Ten Reasons Why Beer is Better Than Jesus

10. No one will kill you for not drinking Beer.

9. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.

8. Beer has never caused a major war.

7. They don't force Beer on minors who can't think for themselves.

6. When you have a Beer, you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.

5. Nobody's ever been burned at the stake, hanged, or tortured over his brand of Beer.

4. You don't have to wait 2000+ years for a second Beer.

3. There are laws saying Beer labels can't lie to you.

2. You can prove you have a Beer.

1. If you've devoted your life to Beer, there are groups to help you stop.

post #4 of 5
The wisdom of Martin Mull!

I'd rather have a bottle in fronta me than....

A frontal lobatomy!
post #5 of 5
Beer doesn't want me to Snowboard!
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EpicSki › The Barking Bear Forums › Off-Season Sports & The Lighter Side › Humour and Fun Stuff › Beer - is there anything it can't do?