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Republicans & Democrats.

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and
spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't
know where I am."

The man consulted his GPS and replied, "You're are in a hot air balloon
approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level.
You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09
minutes west longitude."

"You must be a Republican," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact
is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The man responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going.
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve
your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.
post #2 of 11
Oh man!!! i LOVE IT!
post #3 of 11
nice joke, even if I've heard it before. the great thing is, you can interchange Repub and Dem and it really doesn't get any less true or any less funny. Both sides offer empty promises and want the sacrifices made off the backs of anyone but themselves.

The two-party system is a phantom. There is only one party, but two different public positions. Vote either way, it won't matter.

...except w/r/t the Environment...

The Republicrats want to drill, mine and log everything for private gain

The Democans want to regulate everything until there is no such thing as private gain

in each case, who is the winner?

Rep - Those already rich off pillaging the natural resources

Dem - Everyone else but products get more expensive, so the Reps are just lying when they claim that regulation costs jobs. Any bus mgr worth his/her salt knows how to adjust product and service costs to account for increases in operating costs.
post #4 of 11
The form I saw that joke originally take, where it makes even more sense:

HOT AIR!

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude. "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman, "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."

The woman below responded, "You must be a manager."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault.
post #5 of 11
And . . . instead of getting back into and endless circle of fruitless partisan bickering again, here's one that insults most of us! [img]smile.gif[/img]

---------

HOROSCOPES FOR YOUR JOB POSITION...

1) MARKETING: You are ambitious yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing which is pretty much what your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.

2) SALES: Laziest of all signs, often referred to as "marketing without a degree". You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs you to take their money, you like to avoid contact with customers so you can "concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game throughout your life.

3) TECHNOLOGY: Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely control everything that happens at your workplace. Often even YOU don't understand what you are saying but who the heck can tell. It is written that the Geek shall inherit the Earth.

4) ENGINEERING: One of only two signs that actually studied in school. It is said that ninety percent of all Personal Ads are placed by engineers. You can be happy with yourself; your office is full of all the latest "ergodynamic" gadgets. However, we all know what is really causing your "carpal tunnel syndrome".

5) ACCOUNTING: The only other sign that studied in school. You are mostly immune from office politics. You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme organizational traits, the majority of rumors concerning you say that you are completely insane. Oh, and usually the first to be incarcerated.

6) HUMAN RESOURCES: Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut, have lunch AND then mail a letter.

7) MANAGEMENT/MIDDLE MANAGEMENT: Catty, cut-throat, yet completely spineless, you are destined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life. Unable to make a single decision you tend to measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself. Best suited to marry other "Middle Managers" as everyone in you social circle is a "Middle Manager."

8) SENIOR MANAGEMENT: See above - Same sign, different title.

9) CUSTOMER SERVICE: Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As children, a few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset so you could pretend to play "Customer Service." Continually passed over for promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.

10) CONSULTANT: Lacking any specific knowledge, you use acronyms to avoid revealing your utter lack of experience. You have convinced yourself that your skills are in demand and that you could get a higher paying job with any other organization in a heartbeat. You will spend an eternity contemplating these career opportunities without ever taking direct action.

11) RECRUITER, "HEADHUNTER": As a "person" that profits from the success of others, you are disdained by most people who actually work for a living. Paid on commission and susceptible to alcoholism, your ulcers and frequent heart attacks correspond directly with fluctuations in the stock market.

12) PARTNER, PRESIDENT, CEO: You are brilliant or lucky. Your inability to figure out complex systems such as the fax machine suggest the latter.
post #6 of 11
I first saw the balloon joke as a politician (unspecified party) and an economist. Great joke as it's funny whoever you put in place..
post #7 of 11
In the spirit of the first joke:

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four hundred and sixty-two:

1. Twelve to investigate Clinton's involvement in the failure of the old bulb,

2. Twenty-three to deregulate the light bulb industry,

3. Sixteen to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D,

4. Thirty-four to cut the tax rate on light bulbs,

5. Fifty-three to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb,

6. Forty-one to talk with defense contractors about night-vision gear instead,

7. Two hundred and eighty-three to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs (or screwing anything) on the Internet.
-------------------
I have had a psychic vision of the future . . . I see this thread getting *closed down* soon!
post #8 of 11
Todd:

Does the ACLU view the closure of a questionable political thread as censorship?

Are they saddled to ride on AC and Dchan? : : : :

post #9 of 11
Heh! Well, since its a private group and not a publicly owned/operated one - I would assume (and hope) that AC has the right to make and enforce any rules he wants about the acceptable content of this forum.
post #10 of 11
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and the shopkeeper went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on it, handed it to the customer saying "That'll be $5,000". The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.



Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred quid. Why did it cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."



The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive - $10,000! What does it do?"



"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff", said the shopkeeper.



The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"



The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a consultant."


-------
I know it's true
Cause it's what I do
post #11 of 11
Hey! I resemble that last remark!!!
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