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Should wife ski or snowboard? - Page 2

post #31 of 42

So this seems quite a bit more than your average "how-can-I-get-my-spouse-to-enjoy-my-historically-well-established-passion" scenario;  seems like your best shot is for you to be the flexible one and learn to enjoy XC/snowshoeing during the Winter, given her serious clinical anxiety. This is not to say you need to give up skiing, but it sure sounds like the chances of your wife becoming your skiing soul-mate are not so good.  While generally considered to be what all married couples should aim for, it's far from the end of the world if it doesn't happen.  In fact I suspect that it doesn't happen more than it does.  As long as you're both willing to accept and respect each others' passions, and perhaps start some new ones together, it should be fine.

post #32 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by bounceswoosh View Post
 

 

Drugs can be a crutch, but they can also be a lifeline.

 

This. It seems incredibly dismissive for somebody to give advice that amounts to "come off your medication and deal with it" with anxiety or pretty much any other mood/behavioral, psychiatric/etc. issue.

 

@oldschoolskier - don't forget you are on an internet forum. You don't have any real clue of an individual's situation, so when you randomly suggest that somebody should just drop their meds and "deal with" their anxiety, what it really reads like is you discount chronic anxiety as a thing.

 

It is a thing. My personal experience in this category is related to autism. I know many autistic people whose breakthrough into a more fulfilling life happened because they got an anti-anxiety scrip that let them get their never-ending, paralyzing anxiety under control.  Doing so without meds is near impossible if one is always anxious and to the extent that they have no ability to recognize it as anything other than normal.

 

I am very cautious when it comes to psychoactive drugs. I've also seen a ton of people I would call over-medicated. But what I would never do is offer my unsolicited opinion of such to somebody on a skiing message board.

post #33 of 42

Getting back on track with this thread, I'll state this.

 

I've skied for years, I've snowboarded 4 times, and am just at the point where I can use both sides of the board. Then I moved to a place where it snows a ton and very little grooming is done, so I can't really find a reason to keep going with the learning curve on a board.

 

Here are my thoughts on the matter.

 

1. "Comfy Boots" is appealing, but my experience was that they are only really comfy out of the binding. Once in the binding, you have two straps that basically do the work of an entire ski boot, and for me those straps were either too loose making the board hard to control or too tight and cutting off circulation or causing pain.  This is with a rental class binding, I realize spending more dough would likely do more to help this.

 

2. The first few days on a board are brutal. You will catch the wrong edge of the board, and when you do, all of your forward momentum and all of your weight will be driven into the snow on either your ass or your chest or your head. Or, you will stick hands out and injure your wrists.

 

3. It seems to me it is easier to protect oneself as a beginner skier than snowboarder. The wedge is controllable and with the skis in that position, they will move predictably. If the person loses control, they will gain more velocity than they wish, but there is an easy answer- fall down to the side, hug the snow, get up and try again. Falls as a beginner skier are much less painful that falls as a beginning boarder.

 

4. If you make it past the first few days, a board is probably a better option for minimizing lasting injury- easier on most joints.

post #34 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by oldschoolskier View Post
 

I'm not a doctor so take this advice carefully and in consultation with your doctor.

 

Drugs can be a crutch and do not deal with the cause of the anxiety (be it rational or irrational).  Find a good therapist or whatever that helps her deal and address the issues.  Have patience as this is one of those things that take time and whatever the outcome be on her side.

 

BTW Ativan is a dangerous drug as it can suppress heart/lung function in higher doses (actually not to high at that).  We use it for our son as an emergency medication when seizures last beyond 5 minutes

 

I am not a doctor either, although I have spent many years working in mental health and human services. This has given me a great deal of exposure to psychotropic medications and those to whom they are prescribed. With that experience, I would never presume to give somebody else treatment recommendations. You don't know the woman of whom we are speaking. You've never met her, you don't know her history, diagnosis, symptomatology, or anything at all about her. It is so wildly irresponsible to be dispensing any kind of treatment advice in this situation that I'm dumbfounded.

 

You said it yourself. You're not a doctor. At that point, you need to stop talking.

post #35 of 42

Found an old thread in the Beginner Zone about adults learning to snowboard vs learning to ski.  OP was also a husband with a wife who wasn't skiing, but was willing to give sliding on snow a try.  Might find something useful.

 

http://www.epicski.com/t/59691/adult-beginner-ski-or-snowboard/30

 

Occurred to me that @TheRusty teaches both skiing and snowboarding.

post #36 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by freeski919 View Post

I am not a doctor either, although I have spent many years working in mental health and human services. This has given me a great deal of exposure to psychotropic medications and those to whom they are prescribed. With that experience, I would never presume to give somebody else treatment recommendations. You don't know the woman of whom we are speaking. You've never met her, you don't know her history, diagnosis, symptomatology, or anything at all about her. It is so wildly irresponsible to be dispensing any kind of treatment advice in this situation that I'm dumbfounded.

You said it yourself. You're not a doctor. At that point, you need to stop talking.

Not a doctor either, but I am a licensed mental health counselor, also have worked with quite a few people with anxiety disorders. I agree that no one other than the patient/client and their prescribing provider are in a position to decide about medications.

As far as how to introduce this particular individual to snowsports, it sounds like she is agreeable to trying snowboarding with her husband. It sounds like she wants a familiar person with her, build on that. Consider private/semi-private lessons and do several of them with the same instructor if possible. Plan ahead. Take lots of time just being in the environment, get there early and don't be in any rush. (Do not be late in leaving for the mountain and increase the stress just getting there! This is to be a no stress day.) After each session, discuss what you each liked, what you each learned, what you felt good about. If you both had a good time, discuss how much you each enjoyed doing something together. All of that is more important than how well you did. You goal is to build on positive shared experiences. As you do this more and build confidence in the process as well as in snow skills, you two can incorporate additional supports/friends/family. Minimize expectations for outcomes and emphasize connectedness.

My two bits.
post #37 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by DesiredUsername View Post
 
Not a doctor either, but I am a licensed mental health counselor, also have worked with quite a few people with anxiety disorders. I agree that no one other than the patient/client and their prescribing provider are in a position to decide about medications.

As far as how to introduce this particular individual to snowsports, it sounds like she is agreeable to trying snowboarding with her husband. It sounds like she wants a familiar person with her, build on that. Consider private/semi-private lessons and do several of them with the same instructor if possible. Plan ahead. Take lots of time just being in the environment, get there early and don't be in any rush. (Do not be late in leaving for the mountain and increase the stress just getting there! This is to be a no stress day.) After each session, discuss what you each liked, what you each learned, what you felt good about. If you both had a good time, discuss how much you each enjoyed doing something together. All of that is more important than how well you did. You goal is to build on positive shared experiences. As you do this more and build confidence in the process as well as in snow skills, you two can incorporate additional supports/friends/family. Minimize expectations for outcomes and emphasize connectedness.

My two bits.

 

My husband and I both live to ski in the winter, and this is essentially what we do. It is huge for our relationship. We either ski together in a lesson group/group of friends, or we ski separately with different lesson groups. We cheer each other's successes; when we meet up at the end of the day, we excitedly tell each other about our favorite runs, "Ohh did you ski X? How was it?  Y was fantastic!  Z was meh today, at least by the time I got there."  We don't have tons of overlap with our summer interests; if it weren't for skiing together (and skiing apart and then sharing our excitement in the evenings over dinner), I don't think we'd be nearly as close as we are.

 

We both ski the same terrain. A number of years ago, skiing together was incredibly frustrating for both of us - I would force him to lead, then be upset that he chose something too difficult. Or he would give me unsolicited advice that just served to upset me. (Now he asks if it's okay for him to make a suggestion - and actually keeps it to himself if I say no! This is probably as good as a few sessions of marriage counseling for our relationship.) This situation may be different in that if she really doesn't want to be taught by anyone but the OP, and they do well in that dynamic, maybe that's the right thing to do.

post #38 of 42

If distraction is what will work, then both of you should learn either snowboarding or telemark.  There is a lot to be said for learning with someone else.  If she is open to both, ask her which one she prefers and then learn it along with her.  It sounds to me like your instincts were right from the start.

post #39 of 42

Should _____________ ski or snowboard?

 

Ski.

post #40 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by anachronism View Post
 

 

This. It seems incredibly dismissive for somebody to give advice that amounts to "come off your medication and deal with it" with anxiety or pretty much any other mood/behavioral, psychiatric/etc. issue.

 

@oldschoolskier - don't forget you are on an internet forum. You don't have any real clue of an individual's situation, so when you randomly suggest that somebody should just drop their meds and "deal with" their anxiety, what it really reads like is you discount chronic anxiety as a thing.

 

It is a thing. My personal experience in this category is related to autism. I know many autistic people whose breakthrough into a more fulfilling life happened because they got an anti-anxiety scrip that let them get their never-ending, paralyzing anxiety under control.  Doing so without meds is near impossible if one is always anxious and to the extent that they have no ability to recognize it as anything other than normal.

 

I am very cautious when it comes to psychoactive drugs. I've also seen a ton of people I would call over-medicated. But what I would never do is offer my unsolicited opinion of such to somebody on a skiing message board.

@anachronism @freeski919  Please read carefully  as it appears that you misread my posting.

 

 

I  said consult with your doctor! First and foremost before taking advice.

 

I did not say come off the medication!

 

I said  that the med's  "CAN" be a crutch not "ARE" a crutch as they treat a symptom and don't address the cause.

 

I also said that something is causing the anxiety and have someone help and find the cause and it takes time for it to recover from that and support is required. 

 

As to Ativan, I said that it can be dangerous and that we carry it for emergencies for our son.  Know what it is you use to be safe.

 

Hopefully that is clear enough.

 

 

 

 

@solarity It sound like there are other issues involved, so be careful.  Whatever you do help your wife deal with the anxiety make sure you have the support from her doctor, this includes all of the activities you do to help her.  If your wife enjoys what you do with her and both you and she are have fun and stress free all is good (fingers crossed and best wishes to you and your wife).

post #41 of 42

I snowboarded a lot when I was 13-15 years old. From age 16-24 I only did it a couple times a year. By 25 I was married, but my wife didn't ski or board. She had skied as a girl but hadn't kept it up as an adult. Her dad skied often though and I was still riding occasionally so I encouraged her to join in during a visit to the in-laws in Seattle. We had a lot of fun and she decided to dive into snowboarding. I nudged her towards boarding over skiing because that's what I was doing at the time and the gear is cheaper.

 

I took up skiing while my wife was learning to snowboard. That way, we were at pretty much the same pace. Once she got more comfortable I switched back to mostly snowboarding. Then later on I was doing probably a 60/40 split, snowboarding a bit more often than skiing. At this point I encouraged my wife to do some skiing as well so that we could visit Alta on a trip to SLC. She was hesitant, as she was at this point a pretty competent snowboarder and had not skied since a few years earlier.

 

At this point, we both ski and ride as much as we can. My wife skis better than I do and I snowboard better than her. We get in around 10-15 days a year, which is all we can muster with where we live and our work schedules. We are starting to lean towards doing more skiing, but we don't plan to ditch the boards any time soon.

 

That's my story, now some odds and ends.

 

I don't recommend, as some have suggested here, trying both. There is a significant learning curve for both of these sports and they get more fun as your skills develop. I think it is better to commit to one and try to get competent.  

 

 

I have not necessarily found snowboard boots to be more comfortable. They certainly feel better when they aren't strapped in, but the experience while riding is a different story. I found that soft boots tended to put more pressure on my (bad) feet rather than my legs. For a couple of years I felt much better in ski boots than snowboard boots. Last season I switched to very stiff snowboard boots (Ride Insano) and now I would say that I feel equally good in snowboard boots. Finding the right boots can be a multi-year endeavor. My wife has not had problems with either. I endured quite a bit of foot pain for years on the snowboard. The whole time I was looking for softer / more cushioning and judging by how comfy they felt in the store. I finally tried super-stiff boots that actually felt too tight and that solved my probs. 

 

I agree with the conventional view that skiing is easier to pick up than boarding. I'm not sure why, but people are generally able to comfortably navigate basic runs on skis quicker than on a board. That said, the learning curve in both sports varies a lot from one person to another. The key determinants are physical fitness, coordination, and fearlessness. The last one is very important. I have seen people without fear progress incredibly fast. 

 

It is sometimes claimed that skiing is a lifetime of learning, but once you get the basics of snowboarding, "that's it". This is a crazy suggestion to me. The difference in snowboarding technique between an olympic rider or a dude on a video and me is enormous and I have been riding for 17 years and ride better than 9/10 folks on the mountain.

 

Finally, a word of caution. It is very rare that an adult friend of mine that does not ski or ride somewhat regularly will bite the bullet and do it. This is true even if they did it some when they were younger. Skiing and riding requires a lot of commitment. It's expensive, it's time consuming, the weather can be harsh, and it limits the group of people you can spend time with. By a certain point in people's lives they are either into it or they aren't. If you can get your wife into it, that's awesome. You'll have great times together. If not, there are still plenty of other activities you can potentially share. Keep in mind that when you ride with her, you are compromising on the enjoyment of skiing in order to add the benefit of her company. In time she could reach your level and your back to doing all the terrain you want, but not at first. If you are pushy or critical she might not want to continue.

 

Lastly, if she enjoys XC then you should be able to win her over if you play your cards right. I suggest skiing since I assume there is more overlap although I have never done XC. Maybe you can try snowboarding at the same time if she will get a kick out of watching you fall.  

post #42 of 42

I would stick with skiing and consider the telemark option.  I ski and board, and while I am not an anxious person, getting off the lift on a board makes me a bit nervous as I had a horrendous fall on a rock hard icy ramp back in my pre-helmet days.  You have much less control with the back foot not strapped in and though I have not fallen while exiting a lift in years it still makes me a bit nervous.  Also, it is a lot easier to get around the hill on skis than on a board.

 

I would think about starting her out with private lessons and look for an instructor who is good with adults who are anxious.  Whatever you do - don't try to teach her yourself.  Ever!

 

Good luck.

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