Cyclist - I totally identify with what you're feeling and going through. Our girls are 13 and 15, and have been skiing with us since they were about 4/5. This year they definitely aren't as excited about heading up to our local hill (where we have season passes) more than once a week. When we do go, I try not to get them up too early (unless it's a powder day - they understand that), we usually plan to tailgate with friends / cousins, and we really only ski 3 hours maybe 4 at the most. I figure it keeps them happier that way - instead of making it seem like a chore.
Our home hill is small (Greek Peak in NY), so they go off and ski on their own or with their cousins, and occasionally run into friends. I just tell them what time I'm going to grill.
Even with all that there are days they just don't want to go - so I gave them each a "pass" to get out of going once without an excuse like another activity getting in the way. They were good with that.
So they're still skiing, just not as much as I'd like them to. They want to try boarding - and I'm ok with that (I occasionally board), as long as they're outdoors and having fun. I figure we've done our job - introduced them to an amazing sport, taken them on trips to Vermont and this year the first time out west - if they choose to stop at some point at least they will know what they're missing and maybe come back to it in the future (especially if a future boyfriend skis or rides! Way way future boyfriend…haha).
I get it though - we used to whitewater kayak every weekend. When the kids were about 7 / 8 I bought two tandem whitewater inflatables. For a few years they loved it - we went about three times a year, paddling class II/III water. Then a couple years ago they each got dumped on separate occasions - not in any danger, but it scared them. So this year I took my older daughter once, but that was it. Reluctantly I'll probably put the boats up for sale this spring - along with my other whit water boat and gear…and just move on to other things. My old WW crew sort of all went different directions anyway several years ago.
As for the "monitoring" - seems like you meant more like keeping an eye on her. Nothing wrong with that - she's a kid still. Our kids know that we reserve the right to do a spot check on their phone or iPod. We rarely do, but it's something all parents should do. Kids have way way more privacy than we did when I was young and the only way to communicate with my friends was on the one phone in the kitchen. And really - it's quite easy as a parent to recognize when they might be up to something that maybe it's quite what you want them to be up to…and that's when you check and redirect as needed, right?
Maybe you can find some incentive to get her to willingly to to Utah this year. Find another activity she can do with her mom there? Or with the whole family?
I guess if I were in your situation I'd still have her come with the family and tell her she doesn't have to ski if she doesn't want to - but it's a family vacation and everyone's going. She'll stomp her feet and give you the "you're ruining my life" line - but once that's over I bet she'll go without an issue, and maybe even ski.