I'm an almost 60 yr. old super aggressive professional master double expert kansas city flatland skier who gets two days a year at Mt. Weston. I prefer tennis-ball size ice clods on top of a dirt and grass base littered with rocks and sticks. I like to set edges on lift tower bases, snow fences, snow making equipment, and trees. Just for shits-n-giggles, I'll ride the bull wheel around at the top of the lift so I can bail off the backside of the lift where the exposed boulders are. This allows me to practice the zen of base repair with my P-tex stick. I avoid all terrain parks and anything to do with snowboard jumps as anyone who sets foot on a snowboard is of devil spawn. I frequently ski up behind and overtake ski patrollers and set an edge on their tips sending them headlong into the scrub oak where they belong. If I'm bored, I may ride the chair up around the bull wheel and back down to the lift line screaming "single" on the hunt for loose women. I carry a bota bag full of Mogen David 20/20 and clack snow on anyone foolish enough to ski the lift line under the chairs. I like my turns the same way I like my women... round. I'm a total equipment snob, and proud of it. Currently, I ski a pair of Spademan Comps on top of a bowling ball and have never had a pre-release. My boots are Rosemounts with Jet-Stix, and the red stuff keeps my toes toasty. When I want to go fast I jump on my Rossi cry baby bottoms and haul ass. I've never exploded a pair of skis without an M-80 involved. Rotamat schmotamat, all Markers pre-release. It's what they were designed to do. Ski on anything other than Markers and forget your pre-release worries. DIN settings are for weenies anyway. Replace all stock springs with race springs, crank 'em all the way down, then spot weld them in place. Wallah!... no more pre-release. Just make sure all your falls (if you are someone who falls) are forward falls and that you kick your tails up and over into a somersault... back on your skis again heading downhill. I've skied every pair of skis ever made, and invented half of the bindings on the market. I've whelped litters of English Setter pups in a pair of yellow Hansons. I ski in-bounds, out-of-bounds, pissed, and off-pissed. I run sweep on the patrollers who run sweep. If I don't like something, I set an edge on it. I call Wayne Wong Hank Kashiwa just to piss him off. I watched the entire era of ballet skiing come and go without ever participating in it's foolishness. I've done tip rolls, rip rolls, window turns, wong-bangers, mule kicks, daffy's, tip drops and spreads. In the spring I iron in Toko silver followed with WD-40 rubbed in by hand just to mess with the posers in their TNF Denali jackets. If anyone wants to know anything about skiing, just ask. If I don't know the answer I'll bullshit my way through it and have you looking for a pair of Kerma poles with a French rooster on them so you can be like me. Oh, almost forgot, I'm a tele-master too with a 6th degree black belt with red sash in crouch-skiing, knee-dragging rat bastardness. Out.
^^^ Most useless post of the year award ^^^