How not to look like a total gaper...

DEFINITELY wander around Lionshead at Vail with your whole family and rental skis in tow and as some nice gentlemen sitting outside the Double Diamond Ski Shop, "Excuse me. Do you know where the ski hill is?" (Remember to include the Midwestern accent.)

 

SKI HILL????

 

Go around the corner to the left, and look up.

Who needs a Ski Tote when you can look freaking baller?

 

 

Where's the ski hill at?

And never ever do the texas suitcase

 

Texas suitcase is much preferred to whacking my kid in the face whilst trying to look "cool" instead.  If you can't walk in boots well with skis over your shoulder safely then you get a Texas Suitcase pass.

SO NOW WE KNOW WHAT POLE STRAPS ARE GOOD FOR!

well, there's a lot here to cover, I can't access a certain picture of a certain fake beard but......

 

OK, gaper-gap. buy helmets and goggles that fit properly.

 

Don't accumulate lift pass's on you jacket.....

 

Try not to ski in football jackets, cotton sweatpants or one-pieces unless you are really core, then you do this to look cool......

That is SOOOO gaper, it's called a "Houston Handbag"! 

 

 

Lift ticket on the main center jacket zipper pounding you in the face is pretty sweet!

 

Is this the picture to which you were referring?

 

 

 

Also, do I see a trend here??

 

She means these 3....  But you make it look good
 

 

 

 

Do not put your skis on in the rental shop and try to shuffle out the door .

 

Don't put your rear entry rental boots on the wrong feet.

 

Be sure to wear gloves or mittens.

 

Don't wear your goggles from wood shop.

 

When you go to get on the chairlift, point your skis up the hill and not across the hill.

 

Only two people to a double chairlift -- can be less but not more.

 

If you see a patch of dirt do not ski over it -- go around it.

 

Do not crash into little children.

 

Do not crash into a fence to slow yourself down.

 

If you crash into someone say "excuse me" -- a blank stare does not suffice.

 

No smoking while skiing.

 

2 ski poles are better than 1 used like an oar.

 

Do not ski to your parked car in the crushed rock parking lot.

 

When your ski day is done do not try to shuffle into the rental shop with your skis on.

Should you get scared going down the run, do not leave your skis hooked together, lying down, under a rollover, and then walk down the run.

All of the "Official Epic Gathering" photos reminded me of this one which just happened to me a few weeks ago on a powder day -- if I ski into the woods to pee, do not follow my tracks in...    

Edited by MidwestPete - 4/18/11 at 10:25am

Don't ski less 5 feet behind me and then, when I do something idiotic like catch an edge or otherwise stop paying attention on a flat, run me over then glare at me and say " but you fell right in front of me, stupid bitch!" Tailgating is your fault, no matter what kind of bozo (or even gaper) I am.

At least her bases were pretty from my perspective as she skied over my helmet.

So when I holler "GO REDSKINS" from the chairlift to the guy in the starter jacket making z turns down the slope, might I be a gaper?
 

 

NO WAY Bro' See the end of my comment- you are one of the core-cool guys who make this cool....

 

Don't stand in a wedge to get on the chairlift. You will invariably hook your neighbor's skis and cause the lift to stop for an extended period. (No, I did not do this but was the unlucky fellow lesson participant who fell victim to this. Thank GOD my bindings released or I'd be on the "ACL REHAB" thread.)

 

Don't take a group lesson at a small mountain that doesn't really divide up by skill level, or you will be a victim of the above :D

Don't ask me if a lift is running yet when you can clearly see from where you are standing that the chairs have not even been put on the line.

 

Don't use skis that are more than 10 years old unless every last piece of your gear and clothing is circa 1992. Then it kinds works.

Where do they store the moguls for the summer??

Would have to say may be age related (that may be an indictment right there).  I was told 2-3 years ago that it was the height of bragging rights for the 7 to 8 year old set (the good looking one in my pic).  But NEVER on a Starter Jacket.
 

 

Don't wear your puffy, knitted, hat under your ill fitting, lose, helmet making you head look like its now 4" higher above your eyes than natural.

 

And for god sake people don't stand in front of the lift entrance so everyone else has to go around your dumbass.

 

When I was a kid, it was the thing to do.  Bragging rights.

 

So is this Gaper?

 

 

 

Nah. We qualify as really core in this picture. We did it to look cool. It's all good.

 

For the benefit of those not on the lift that day, from left to right: MikeC, DSloan, and SirShredsalot.
 

 

True gapper is "playing the game of Gnar" knowing that "You are so much better than me". ;-)