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How not to look like a total gaper...

post #1 of 1318
Thread Starter 

 

Folks, it's a chilly jungle out there.  Try not to wander through it unprepared, or you'll probably end up as an anecdote during apres ski...

 

Don’t fly into Aspen.  Ever.  I did, just to prove the point, or at least that’s what I’m telling y’all.

 

Don’t blow off drying your boot liners, it’s cold and hurty the next day.

 

Don’t follow up a satisflying blast down Whale’s Tail at Breckenridge with a faceplant on the way to the lift because you didn’t engage your brain right before hitting some really soft snow.  It may not be all that hurty, but you lose points.  I’m not saying I did that, just don’t do it, OK?

 

Don’t leave your helmet on the ground where… well, I think we covered that one already.

 

 

If you live where it doesn’t ever, ever snow and the highest peak is a landfill or a highway overpass, move.

 

 

A rusty nail is 3 parts decent scotch and one part drambouie and some ice.  Remember that; your server might not.

 

Any other suggestions?  Perhaps this can become a useful Wiki.  Heck, I was all set to purchase a Ski Tote (tm) until some nice people spent my money on a comfy jacket and a hat with a tassel instead, thank you all...

post #2 of 1318

DEFINITELY wander around Lionshead at Vail with your whole family and rental skis in tow and as some nice gentlemen sitting outside the Double Diamond Ski Shop, "Excuse me. Do you know where the ski hill is?" (Remember to include the Midwestern accent.)

 

SKI HILL????

 

Go around the corner to the left, and look up.

post #3 of 1318
Quote:
Originally Posted by FairToMiddlin View Post

Heck, I was all set to purchase a Ski Tote (tm) until some nice people spent my money on a comfy jacket and a hat with a tassel instead, thank you all...



Who needs a Ski Tote when you can look freaking baller?

 

 

post #4 of 1318

Where's the ski hill at?

198204_10150212737841138_540901137_8975311_2210361_n.jpg

And never ever do the texas suitcase

199443_10150212737946138_540901137_8975313_4194989_n.jpg

 

post #5 of 1318

Texas suitcase is much preferred to whacking my kid in the face whilst trying to look "cool" instead.  If you can't walk in boots well with skis over your shoulder safely then you get a Texas Suitcase pass.wink.gif

post #6 of 1318

SO NOW WE KNOW WHAT POLE STRAPS ARE GOOD FOR!

post #7 of 1318

well, there's a lot here to cover, I can't access a certain picture of a certain fake beard but......

 

OK, gaper-gap. buy helmets and goggles that fit properly.

 

Don't accumulate lift pass's on you jacket.....

 

Try not to ski in football jackets, cotton sweatpants or one-pieces unless you are really core, then you do this to look cool......

post #8 of 1318

That is SOOOO gaper, it's called a "Houston Handbag"! 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by crgildart View Post

Texas suitcase is much preferred to whacking my kid in the face whilst trying to look "cool" instead.  If you can't walk in boots well with skis over your shoulder safely then you get a Texas Suitcase pass.wink.gif



 

post #9 of 1318

Lift ticket on the main center jacket zipper pounding you in the face is pretty sweet!

post #10 of 1318
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finndog View Post

well, there's a lot here to cover, I can't access a certain picture of a certain fake beard but......

 

 

Is this the picture to which you were referring?

 

5611090741_3c34d86616_b.jpg
 

 

post #11 of 1318

Also, do I see a trend here??

 

1000x500px-LL-73180dd7_PhilSkis.jpg

post #12 of 1318
Quote:
Originally Posted by DSloan View Post

Also, do I see a trend here??

 

1000x500px-LL-73180dd7_PhilSkis.jpg


Jeans in both pictures? 

 

post #13 of 1318


She means these 3....  But you make it look good biggrin.gif
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trekchick View Post

Where's the ski hill at?

198204_10150212737841138_540901137_8975311_2210361_n.jpg

And never ever do the texas suitcase

199443_10150212737946138_540901137_8975313_4194989_n.jpg

 



 



Quote:
Originally Posted by DSloan View Post

Also, do I see a trend here??

 

1000x500px-LL-73180dd7_PhilSkis.jpg



 

 

post #14 of 1318

Do not put your skis on in the rental shop and try to shuffle out the door .

 

Don't put your rear entry rental boots on the wrong feet.

 

Be sure to wear gloves or mittens.

 

Don't wear your goggles from wood shop.

 

When you go to get on the chairlift, point your skis up the hill and not across the hill.

 

Only two people to a double chairlift -- can be less but not more.

 

If you see a patch of dirt do not ski over it -- go around it.

 

Do not crash into little children.

 

Do not crash into a fence to slow yourself down.

 

If you crash into someone say "excuse me" -- a blank stare does not suffice.

 

No smoking while skiing.

 

2 ski poles are better than 1 used like an oar.

 

Do not ski to your parked car in the crushed rock parking lot.

 

When your ski day is done do not try to shuffle into the rental shop with your skis on.

post #15 of 1318

Should you get scared going down the run, do not leave your skis hooked together, lying down, under a rollover, and then walk down the run.

post #16 of 1318

All of the "Official Epic Gathering" photos reminded me of this one which just happened to me a few weeks ago on a powder day -- if I ski into the woods to pee, do not follow my tracks in...redface.gif    


Edited by MidwestPete - 4/18/11 at 10:25am
post #17 of 1318
Don't ski less 5 feet behind me and then, when I do something idiotic like catch an edge or otherwise stop paying attention on a flat, run me over then glare at me and say " but you fell right in front of me, stupid bitch!" Tailgating is your fault, no matter what kind of bozo (or even gaper) I am.

At least her bases were pretty from my perspective as she skied over my helmet. mad.gif
post #18 of 1318
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finndog View Post

 

Try not to ski in football jackets, cotton sweatpants or one-pieces unless you are really core, then you do this to look cool......


So when I holler "GO REDSKINS" from the chairlift to the guy in the starter jacket making z turns down the slope, might I be a gaper?
 

 

post #19 of 1318



NO WAY Bro' See the end of my comment- you are one of the core-cool guys who make this cool.... biggrin.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by jimmy View Post




So when I holler "GO REDSKINS" from the chairlift to the guy in the starter jacket making z turns down the slope, might I be a gaper?
 

 



 

post #20 of 1318

Don't stand in a wedge to get on the chairlift. You will invariably hook your neighbor's skis and cause the lift to stop for an extended period. (No, I did not do this but was the unlucky fellow lesson participant who fell victim to this. Thank GOD my bindings released or I'd be on the "ACL REHAB" thread.)

 

Don't take a group lesson at a small mountain that doesn't really divide up by skill level, or you will be a victim of the above :D

post #21 of 1318

Don't ask me if a lift is running yet when you can clearly see from where you are standing that the chairs have not even been put on the line.

 

Don't use skis that are more than 10 years old unless every last piece of your gear and clothing is circa 1992. Then it kinds works.

post #22 of 1318

Where do they store the moguls in the summer? 

post #23 of 1318
Quote:
Originally Posted by Philpug View Post

Where do they store the moguls in the summer? 


Where do they store the moguls for the summer??duck.gif
post #24 of 1318
Quote:
Originally Posted by Finndog View Post

...Don't accumulate lift pass's on your jacket.....

 


Would have to say may be age related (that may be an indictment right there).  I was told 2-3 years ago that it was the height of bragging rights for the 7 to 8 year old set (the good looking one in my pic).  But NEVER on a Starter Jacket. rolleyes.gif
 

 

post #25 of 1318

Don't wear your puffy, knitted, hat under your ill fitting, lose, helmet making you head look like its now 4" higher above your eyes than natural.

 

images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQX6XBonQbGs9hVTGy_SOb7XH9amNRnqs4TQ24TfdocIFqwyr-1UQ

post #26 of 1318

And for god sake people don't stand in front of the lift entrance so everyone else has to go around your dumbass.

post #27 of 1318



 

Quote:
Originally Posted by job151 View Post




Would have to say may be age related (that may be an indictment right there).  I was told 2-3 years ago that it was the height of bragging rights for the 7 to 8 year old set (the good looking one in my pic).  But NEVER on a Starter Jacket. rolleyes.gif
 

 


When I was a kid, it was the thing to do.  Bragging rights.

 

post #28 of 1318

So is this Gaper?

 

IMG_0751.JPG
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Finndog View Post

 

Try not to ski in football jackets, cotton sweatpants or one-pieces unless you are really core, then you do this to look cool......



 

post #29 of 1318
Quote:
Originally Posted by MikeC View Post

So is this Gaper?

 

IMG_0751.JPG
 



 

Nah. We qualify as really core in this picture. We did it to look cool. It's all good.

 

For the benefit of those not on the lift that day, from left to right: MikeC, DSloan, and SirShredsalot.
 

 

post #30 of 1318

True gapper is "playing the game of Gnar" knowing that "You are so much better than me". ;-)

 

 

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